Tuesday, June 21, 2011

An Open Letter to All GameFAQs Mods

First of all, you are the problem.

You might have a few issues with your site's message boards, like how its full of hateful people who constantly argue with each other.  Or you might think that every time you moderate a post you get a disrespectful reply from a troll.  You might actually believe that every time you're policing the boards you're doing a good job for the betterment of the community, saving them from spammers, pornographers, and people just out to cause trouble.  But no.  You're the problem.  If anything is wrong with GameFAQs, its you.  Personally.  Oh, you might think "Blue Highwind is just talking about one or two corrupt or over-enthusiastic moderators, not me, I do a good job."  No.  You are not doing a good job.  You are awful at your job, you are the problem.  If you think you're doing a better job than your fellow Mods, then you are an even bigger part of the problem then they are.  No matter how good or bad you think your work is, you are a failure.  Quit immediately, and never come back.

GameFAQs, at its core, is not a bad website.  Its walkthroughs are useful to answer any major questions, and its boards often give great clues to difficulties with video games.  If I search a question on Google like "what's the best party for 'Dragon Quest IV'?", I'll most likely get a GameFAQs link including several people giving good hints as to what to do.  But beyond that, it is a toilet.  A steaming pile of shit.  If you actually want to be a part of the GameFAQs community, you'll find sadly it is a hugely corrupt dictatorship run by over-zealous idiots or trolls out to ruin everything you do.  There is zero tolerance for anything that violates the Terms of Use, a gargantuan document filled with so many regulations that everything violates the Terms of Use.  No cursing, every post much be insanely politically correct, no insults - even to the person who just called you a "fuckhead" and escaped with no modding, no sexually explicit material.  Its a nightmare land of regulations and rules, constant deletions of posts, and an appeals system that is completely worthless.  No appeals are ever accepted, you always will fail.

And you know what, GameFAQs moderators?  Its entirely your fault.  You are the problem.

GameFAQs is a giant website, with boards for every game with at least hundreds of little topics and millions of posts run by thousands of users.  This means that ultimately the boards must be self-policing, meaning that the users have to turn into tattletales for the oligarchy.  Write a joke about Lightning using Hope as a sex tool?  Well, some snot-nosed piece of shit will report that to the snot-nosed Mods, who will delete the post entirely.  Then if you say something like "But some guy wrote an entire board asking if Noctis is gay, and he hasn't gotten any trouble at all" the Mod will ignore you and delete it anyway.  They don't give a shit about precedent, fairness, or even consistency.  The rules are endless, stupid, and often exist only to get people banned.  Like you can't write a post in all-caps.  No reason why, they just find it annoying.  You can't write in another language, even if somebody above you mentions that they're having trouble in English.  Tell the Mod you were only trying to help, they tell you "go fuck yourself".  Its a mess.  You can't curse, and you can't even replace a curse with stars.  Say I try to censor myself with "fuck you motherfucker" and instead put on "**** you mother****er".  That's breaking the rules!  Imagine if the FFC could fine Jon Stewart just because he bleeped over a curse word.  That's how stupid this shit is.  If I say "I'm reporting you to the Mods" - that's breaking the rules.  Its incredible.   Because people can report other posts as offensive - even they're patently not - the entire board is filled with trolls that only work to screw other people over.

The best part of this is:  you can't know who reported you.  You can't know the name of the Mod who you're talking to.  And you can't know who the Mods even are on the site.  The entire site is one giant Speed Trap designed to fuck you over.  By the way, the rules only apply to new users, older users that have generated a lot of karma points can almost do whatever they want*.  Mods actually can do whatever they want, which is why they are the worst trolls around.

My favorite bullshit GameFAQs rules are just hilarious.  There are rules against posting spoilers - which turns out to be a strangly flexible concept.  I once made a topic about how sad I was to not see Ameteratsu in "Okamiden", because I wanted to see how the hard core "Okami" fans felt about this.  NOPE!  Topic deleted for spoilers.  There are rules against flaming, which apparently includes giving negative opinions about any game whose board you're on.  Those messages can be deleted (this does not stop "The Last Story" boards to be filled with trolls who constantly complain about how bad the game can be.)  Also, you can't be creative with posts.  Those things better be goddamn traditional paragraphs - you try to write vertically or emulate e.e. cumming-style poetry, they'll delete them.  Because scrolling down is such a huge hassle, I suppose.

Here's how I run my website:  there are no rules.  I don't give a damn what you write.  The comments are open, free, unlimited spaces where you can write basically anything.  Are you a spambot trying to sell penis-grow formula?  Go ahead, post ahead.  Do you want to tell me that I'm a moron for not liking "Okamiden"?  Power to you.  Freedom is freedom.  I don't censor myself, I won't censor anybody else.  Plus I don't get nearly enough responses to decide what kind of responses I like or dislike.  If you want to use my comments section to talk about something completely off-topic?  Well that's what they're for.  Talk about anything you like, my lovely readers.  Call my mother a whore while you're at it, I'll love you the same.  In fact, I'll get a good laugh about it.  You know why I'm like this?  Because I'm chill.  I can take a joke.  I can take your hatred.  I don't have a seven-yard pole up my ass.  I am not a GameFAQs mod.

I am not part of the problem.  They are.

If you are a GameFAQs mod reading this right now, I cannot believe you have enough of a sense of humor to even stand this site.  This is not a site designed for people like you.  As a matter of fact, I am personally, politically, and philosophically opposed to people like you.  People who try to control the universe, who think that they can make the world a better place by restricting the natural freedom of human beings, people who just think they're better than everyone else.  Worst of all, you just can't take a joke - that is a crime beyond all crimes as far as I'm concerned.  If you can't laugh, you can't live.  You don't just ruin your own site, you ruin the entire planet.  You're a conservative father taking their daughter to a Purity Ball in an SUV littered with homophobic bumper stickers, you're a liberal nutcase who yells at strangers for eating meat and smoking, you're a cop who arrests college students for smoking pot, you're a piece of shit tattletale on the playground who tells the teacher that they saw some other kids looking at porn.  You're the problem.

Go away.  Go someplace.  You and me have nothing to say to each other after this.  If the site had no protections of any kind, it would run better.  That's failing beyond failing.

The Management, Blue Highwind

PS:  GameFAQs boards in general are awful places, I only hung out there to annoy FFXIII fans because they're so easy to piss off.  Its fun.  I'm going to make a new account soon and have more fun.  Hopefully I can make the lives of the Mods just a little bit worse.  Then I have won.

* The karma system is bizarre.  Basically you get points for every day you're on the site without getting a violation notice.  Violations cost a lot of points.  So if you leave your account fallow for a few months, you can come back and find that you've gained a ridiculously high karma score - like I did when suddenly I discovered that I was a Veteran level 31.  But you need to have something like 2000 karma before you can really have fun and not have to worry about the Mods.  The whole system is corrupt in its very conception.


  1. so amusing banter is off the menu on Game FAQs?

  2. If GameFAQs mods have seven-yard poles up their asses, then they must be really tall for them to not stick out the tops of their heads.

    And since you said that we can talk about things that are completely off topic: Have you ever seen the anime Noein? If you haven't, I think you'd like it.

  3. @Nick: The pole has actually ripped right through the tops of their heads. They clearly have massive brain damage.

    And no, haven't seen it. Might try it.

  4. You should, it's got a good story, likeable characters, great action, excellent animation, and good music.

  5. Man, you are so right. I've had posts modded for censoring words completely or 'being off topic' when they're clearly ON topic! Fuck that mess!

    Also, we both happen to live in the same state, if I'm correct. Don't worry, I'm not a stalker.

  6. My Dearest Blue Highwind,

    I can kindly attest that nobody is selling any sort of penis-grow formula on this site. Were they, I am sure I would have a much larger penis right now.

    Forever yours,

    The Mighty SideburnsPuppy

  7. I constantly hear about how bad the mods are on GameFAQs. I guess it wasn't a bad decision to never get involved in the site then, eh? Good for you for sticking it to them with this.

  8. Penis-grow formula... like anyone else needs a larger e-peen.

    Anywho. I enjoyed this, more or less because it sums up my hatred for GameFAQs. I cannot stand the vast amount of trolls and the horrid, horrid system there. I never actually joined, but I still looked through the forums and whatnot. I found plenty of reasons not to join there. I'd more than likely end up shoving another seven yard pole up the Mods' asses and burning the corpses. (A woman can dream, dammit.)

    Nonetheless, I have respect for you for sticking it to them like this. I do hope they see this and finally come to a realization that they raped a site that had potential and turned it into a shithole full of absurd rules and whiny trolls.

  9. And this rant is basically why I never bothered logging into my account at GameFAQs since I made it. I'm part of two actually good forums, TheSpeedGamers and FFTogether, the latter of which was actually originally formed as a "runaway" forum for all the people at the FFXII boards and grew from there.

    I love forums, and I love the ones I'm a part of, but never again will I ever use GameFAQs for anything but actual FAQs. Which, by the way, is so hard to post FAQs there because the mods are the ones who decide which FAQ goes up and which doesn't for their respective game board.

  10. Dear BH, you are very correct in this matter, the fucktards banned me for posting " I personally dislike CoD and like Mega Man, Nintendo in general, and Capcom better" And they even E-mailed me " you have coused a corrupt violation in code and therefore banned forever".
    Well they say how well it worked, because a hour later, signed in a new name and called the entire website the underside of a prostitute who has a severe herpes disorder thats growing all over her. And it lasted about 10 minitutes.
    BH, you truly now how to run a website better then those retards.

  11. @TriforceHermit: So, they permanently banned you for expressing your opinion in a calm and civil manner? What assholes.

  12. Blueman, you Megaman impersonator, if you want a good forum entirely dedicated to games, with only 11 rules to follow, then it's Playfire.
    You can also have a list of games that you follow and threads that you follow, so you know anything said on those.


  13. @Nicholas, well, you see, apparently, we live in a world were the only real games anymore are First-person shooters, I like them, there okay, but I find other games like Zelda and Resident Evil more interesting, but no, you want to know why they're making games F-PS, because of Halo and CoD: modern warfare, even Mass Effect, they think that they should be the only games around and are giant assholes for that reason, BH posted a while ago that he loves how Skyward Sword looks, he has taste, a brain, and obviously a system besides a X-box. That is why I go here, he is funny as hell, and won't ban you for your comments. Look on FF wiki, people (well one person) posts on how stupid FF 7 is and how gay Sephiroth is, and comments on how he loves FF 8, which BH hates, that is why I like his blog and read it.

  14. I've never had the pleasure of being kicked off a forum by a gameFAQs mod but somehow your rant riled me up. Great post and I hope it makes a gameFAQs mod very indignant.

    @TriforceHermit, It's such a shame that the majority of players of FPS games I've met are so blinkered to what a game is other than leaderboards. It's refreshing to see people that can be a fan without having to defend their favourite game to the death and letting people criticise it knowing that at the end, it's just a game that has very little bearing on the important things in life. Why should we bow down to generally aggressive fans when speaking in as little inflammatory terms as possible simply because it'll cause a fuss the mods will have to sort out? It's a role they've taken on themselves, they should expect the consequences that might occur.

    On a less serious note, BH is it a karmic revenge to annoy the mods who annoyed you so much? :P

  15. @Zodiac Knight, and I thank you for your words of reason towards the idiots FPS players, and in response, I don't have much to say, but thank you and ditto on your comment.

  16. I generally dislike FPS games. Mostly because they seem to be all anyone wants to play these days and I suck at them. I enjoy the occasional game of Halo, but would rather play an RPG.

  17. @Nicholas, I couldn't have worded it better myself, if I was stuck in a world were I had to choose Halo or Final Fantasy X, like hell I'll choose Halo, screw that game, FF X is much better, now I'm done with my nerd rampage.

  18. I wholeheartedly agree with this open letter. The GameFAQs mods are complete imbeciles! They can't even take a joke when it's so obvious that you'd have to be a moron not to see it's a joke. They take everything super-seriously and literally, there is no room for subtlety and sarcasm.

  19. I read "The Management, Blue Highwind" as "The Magnificent Blue Highwind" the first time i read it. That would have been so much better.

  20. Hey just wanted to let you know that I found this tonight and read it. GameFAQs is still the same and as a matter of fact, it's worse!

    I was modded like crazy today by the mods and even had my topics locked left and right for no apparent reason. Then I posted a topic on CE trying to make simple conversation and they modded me for "Trolling" in which case I disputed and was told that I "better lay low on the boards for awhile" which sounds pretty much like a threat to me.

    The mods on GameFAQs are some of the worst people who are somehow allowed to run a site that I have ever known. You say one thing that they don't agree with and they can just push that "little red button" anytime they want on you.

    As for me and my account....I'm currently a level 5 "Warned"

  21. I actually got a moderation overturned via appeal. Once on a ten year old account.
    I made a screen cap of it I'll post it up when I get for everyone to envy.

  22. I loved this article. Did you know that the mods are biased as well? If you have a lot of ToU violations or just moderations, any attempt to report a user will be ignored. I tried reporting one user for posting "Do you have a big dick?" and guess what? No fucking moderation. Fuck the GameFAQs mods.

  23. Yup. Gamefaqs is a fucking joke. Literally a congregation of the most socially maladjusted people you could scrape together if you tried. None of them can have a proper conversation let alone consider for one second an opinion that clashes with their own without falling into utter insanity. Not to mention that more than half the site is admittedly autistic. I shit you not. A poll indicated that more than 50% of the users were in fact autistic. Now, I'm not hating on autistic people here, I'm just pointing out how this might correlate with their complete inability to properly communicate.

    Just a bunch of complete social degenerates. And yes, the mods are the worst of it. I'm pretty sure the head admin is quite literally insane. A sociopathic narcissist. Or just your average Gamefaqs nerd. All I do know is that the further away from that cesspit anyone stays the better.

  24. Yup. Fuck GameFAQs. There doesn't exist a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.