Saturday, July 16, 2016

Ghostbusters (2016) Review

So after months and months of bitter warfare between horrible sexist GamerGate nerd assholes and SJW tumblrite militant FeminiNazis... the movie was fine.


Decent enough.

I have nothing to say about this movie, gonna be honest. The cameos were a bit obnoxious. The jokes landed here or there. Too many fart jokes. Melissa McCarthy wasn't very funny, Kate McKinnon probably saved the movie, Leslie Jones wasn't bad, Kristin Wiig was... I don't even know or care.

I don't remember anything about this movie already. "Ghostbusters" (2016) is probably the least interesting thing to talk about of the entire year. Was Michael K. Williams in this movie? I can't remember. After all that bullshit. All the crap on my twitter feed. It was this. ...It was okay. Doesn't even begin to compare with the 1984 original. So what?

Meh... I was hoping for this whole thing to write here. I could have pulled together 5,000 words easily if "Ghostbusters" (2016) was as bad as the remakes of "Vacation" or "Red Dawn" or "RoboCop" or that fucking "Total Recall" movie with the stupid gravity train. I wish it were worse. I could have gotten good and mad and written a review. Or it were in any way spectacular I'd have material. Instead I got nothing to work with here. Three out of Five, whatever. You can do worse.

Sorry for wasting your time.

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Some of What Might Be the Best Movies of 2016

The year of Our Lord Lena "Tracer" Oxton 2016 is now half over. Actually it’s more than half over but I’m typically late about everything. It seems that since I rarely have time to write movie reviews, I should just update you all on what movies you should have seen in the last six months. Obviously it is now too late to see most of them because they’re already out of theaters. So well… Yeah, I wish I had something to help you with how shitty that is. Anyhoo, speaking of incredibly late, it’s now closer to 2017 than 2015, and I realize I never wrote a Best Movies of 2015 List*. (See footnote.)

My plan in 2016 has been to watch what I call "good movies". Once upon a time when this blog was in its prime I would watch every single piece of shit that Hollywood produced. Now I can look at the wonder that is "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2" and say "no". I'm very happy about that. 25% of my life has passed, I've seen enough shitty movies. I can tolerate some cheese like "Warcraft" or "X-Men Apocalypse" every now and then, but if its "Divergent 3"? I don't need to see it. I'm free of that crap! So here's ten good movies from 2016 that I saw instead:

10) Captain America: Civil War – Okay, so a superhero film is on the list. But it is not Deadpool and it is definitely not "Buttfuck v Superfuck: Dawn of Fuck". Actually I think "Captain America: Civil War" really only hangs on this list thanks to my eternal hatred of "BvS", which is already the Worst Movie of 2016. (Debate is over.) "Civil War" is how you do that movie right. You have real characters, you have real stakes, and you have humor. It also does not hurt to have a giant Ant-Man fighting Spider-Man fighting androids fighting robots fighting mutants in the greatest and silliest comic brawl of all time. "Civil War" gives you the taste of everything the Marvel universe can do. It can hit sillier highs and lower emotional blows than any movie Marvel has done before.