The Legend of Sheik

Hello, Space Monkees!

Do you know who one of my favorite "Legend of Zelda" characters is?  Well that should be easy considering the drawing above.  Why its none other than Sheik, the sexually ambiguous alter-ego of Princess Zelda herself from "Ocarina of Time" and the "Super Smash Bros" series.  Sheik (whom I'll refer to with female pronouns because Nintendo seems to have finally decided that she's indeed a "she") helps Link out during his battle with Ganon after the fall of the Kingdom of Hyrule, usually in the form of advise or magical Ocarina songs.  But you never get to see her in action, sadly.  The only time Sheik even gets the chance to fight is seconds after she returns to being Zelda - and as Zelda she is immediately kidnapped, which was always something of a disappointment to me.  And after that...  Sheik is never seen again.  Not once.  Now that's a real travesty right there.

Luckily there is Smash Bros, where Sheik has been over and over again one of the coolest characters on the board.  She's almost as good as my fav, Fox.  More importantly, since Sheik is so fast, she's my favorite character to fight against with Fox, making lighting fast battles all throughout the board.  And to be one of the best characters in the best fighting games ever made is really saying something.  This was actually where I first found Sheik - and like everybody else was very confused by her gender (though not as much as with Marth and Roy, I should add).  Yes, I was attracted to Sheik, I still she's hot.  And she's definitely not male.

...Seriously, not male.

...stop looking at me that way.

I'm not gay!*

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make here is that Sheik is really badass... and sexy, no matter what gender she is.  So obviously Sheik deserves her own game.  Think about it:  Tingle, the most hated character in pretty much all of video games, has his own game.  In fact, Tingle has like three now, none of which will ever be released in America because Nintendo knows we won't buy crap like that.  Anyway, Sheik would be the perfect hero for a video game.  And to celebrate that fact, I draw that little bit of fanart right up there.  Just my little interpretation of how Sheik should look (pretend its actually good for a second then you'll see what I was going for).  What's a good name for this title?  Easy:  "The Legend of Sheik".

Naturally there's no way in Hell Nintendo is going to do this, because I'm just some loud-mouth idiot on the Internet.  But I can dream, can't I?  FANWANKARY LEVELS TO THE MAX!!!

And here's the storyline pitch.  Just a bit of a warning its a bit dark:

"This is but one of the legend of which people speak...

Hyrule has lived in peace for hundreds of years following the victory of the Hero of Time over the evil king of the Gerudo sands, Ganondorf.  To guard the kingdom, a Great Eastern Wall has been built to lock out the evils from the now empty desert.  The kingdom is in joyous celebration as Queen Zelda has given birth to the newest heir to the throne, Princess Zelda, nicknamed "Tetra".  (This makes keeping the two characters separate a lot easier, and its a cool continuity nod, isn't it?)  But something stirs in the dark empty sands...

A dark army, lead by a reborn, Ganon marches out from the desert onto kingdom, resting after a long day's celebration.  The Wall, thought to be so eternal, is smashed, and soon the entire kingdom is overrun.  Hyrule's armies can only put up a token resistance before they too are broken and crushed like the kingdom they tried to defend.  Darkness overtakes the land, and the desert spreads out into Hyrule field, turning everything that was good and green into empty ruined sands.  The young Princess Tetra is sent off into the mountains, where she can be safe far from the bestial eyes of Ganon.  Of Princess Zelda, nothing is known.  The people fear her slain by the Dark Beast.  They call their prayers up to the heavens, hoping that the Hero of Time will return.  However, there prayer is not answered.

(This bit is debatable to me, it seems just too dark, and out of character of this series.  I feel I need to explain why Ganon was not defeated, but the implications here are just too much for me.)  A hero clad in green does appear, Master Sword in hand.  He rides to Ganon's Tower in the desert, and breaks through to the Dark Beast's chambers.  But his strength fails him, and the boy is defeated.  The Triforce of Courage is shattered, flying off to the four winds, along any hope of Hyrule's salvation.  (But Link can't lose!  If its too much, I'll just ignore Link altogether.  No explanation is probably better than this horrible one.)

Instead all that is left is a loan warrior, Sheik, who stands against the forces of evil.  Not being the Legendary Hero, and unable to lift the Master Sword, Sheik has no hope of defeating Ganon, but that will not stop her hope of saving the desperate Kingdom.  Traveling across the land, she attempts to find the five peaces of the [insert McGuffin name here], an ancient artifact that can speak to the Gods themselves, each piece hidden in a dungeon far in the mysterious Gerudo Deserts where no man has walked for generations.  With it, Sheik hopes to contact the Gods and seal away the great evil.  She also searches for the Ocarina of Time, hoping to use its power to save her daughter from these terrible times of evil.  Though the foes she faces are mighty, Sheik's has strength of her own.  With her daggers, her whip, her magical harp, and her tantō, Sheik will overcome any enemy.  Acrobatic agility, and speed are her allies, and the bane of all who would stand in her way. 

Ultimately, the call is made.  But Ganon's power has grown great enough to retake human form, Ganondorf has returned in full.  With this strength he could stop the intervention of the Gods.  Sheik must herself go to Ganondorf's abode, to give enough time for her people to be freed and so that the Dark King does not learn of her plan.  The battle is desperate, nay hopeless.  After a long battle, Sheik's body is broken, and her disguise revealed.  Ganondorf learns much to his delight that the last warrior who has stood against him so long is none other than the lost Queen Zelda herself.  But while he laughs in what he thinks is his victory, the Gods send down a Great Flood to cover the land in ocean, sealing away Ganondorf's evil forever.  The Gods show mercy on the people of Hyrule, bringing them up to the surface so that they may live in peace on Hyrule's mountaintops, which have now become the islands of the Great Sea.

In her last act, as she lays dieing, Zelda plays a final song on the Ocarina of Time.  With it, Tetra, still too young to remember her true name or her mother's face, is sent into the far future, so that she may live in a time of peace, and found a New Hyrule.  Knowing that she has saved her people, Zelda closes her eyes happily.

So ends the Legend of Sheik...

Now how awesome would that game be?  Seriously, beyond awesome.

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*Well, except for some very serious cases, like with Sephiroth or George Clooney.  I mean, come on.  Like damn!  Tell me right now that you wouldn't if the Cloonster asked you to.  You can't can you?