WYTS: Kansas City Chiefs. Original post here.
In 1823, a small-time con artist and folk magician named Joseph
Smith was given a divine revelation by the angel Moroni and shown golden
plates. I personally do not see any reason to doubt this story. In the
next decade, Smith would build his church and expand on his mission,
creating a new vibrant form of Christianity designed for this New World.
The holy land was not oceans away, in fact. It was here, in America, in Kirtland,
Ohio to be exact. Oh wait, sorry, not Kirtland, oops, Smith realized later that
actually the Latter Day Saints’ new Zion was in Independence, Missouri. And then would change his mind again. God works in mysterious ways, I suppose, even for his latter-day prophets. Zionist movements often turn to violence, unfortunately, and this was no different. Smith would lead his flock to a
near-decade of strife in the Show Me State, climaxing with the 1838 Mormon War.
Joseph
Smith lived a colorful life; the path of a prophet is rarely an easy
one. Wherever his Mormons settled, it usually ended poorly. Now, the
modern mainline LDS Church will tell you that all these problems came
from religious intolerance from hateful neighbors, and they are not 100%
wrong. But also, Smith made some... let’s say, unwise choices in his
ministry. He tried to seduce some underage girls in Ohio and seize all
believers property in a single collectivized Soviet, and for that, he
was nearly castrated by an angry mob in 1832. That led him to look further west for his utopian vision.
Since
we’re talking Mormonism, you need to be extra careful with your
research. There’s obviously a lot of LDS propaganda that would paint
Joseph Smith as one of the great pious saints of history. To them, his
word is not to be questioned, even the parts that contradict the other
parts. But just as much, there’s a large contingent of Anti-Mormons
(other Christians, ex-Mormons, South Park fans) who think everything
Smith did was terrible and the whole religion is heresy. I can’t say
Smith cuts a particularly glorious figure the more I learn about him
either, but as a borderline Communist Jew I do not have a pony in this
race.
(Ask me about Jacob Frank sometime though. Smith and Frank are very similar figures to me.)
The
Mormons began their history in Missouri in the early 1830s just around
the time Smith is making himself unwelcome in Ohio. Independence, now
largely a suburb of Kansas City, was then the major hub in the western
part of the state. Oregon Trail fans will remember that the game starts
here. Smith had grand visions for what would be his City of Zion, with a
central Temple, with some lovely grid drawings for his heavenly urban
society. Speaking of classic PC games, Smith would have loved Sim City
2000.
Soon enough Jackson County’s “old
settlers” (as in, white people who have been here for decades at most)
were unhappy with the Mormon newcomers. There’s a lot going on here
besides the Mormons being religiously annoying. You might have thought so far “oh this is one of those unrests that won’t be about racism”, oh no. Missouri
was a slave state, but only barely one. That made defending its slavery an urgent priority. The nearby “Bleeding” Kansas
Territory would be a battlefield for slavery’s expansion. There will be
two battles in the Civil War for Independence. In 1832, there was fear
that the Mormon colonists might be abolitionists like many other new
religions movements in the North. Some Mormons did have very egalitarian
views of racial harmony, others didn’t. Smith's own opinions seem to flip and flop, I'd have to conclude the issue just did not interest him. However, Mormons were slavery-agnostic enough to freak out the South-leaning neighbors.
The local Mormon leader, Edward Patridge was tarred and feather by an
angry mob in 1833. Mormons were ready to fight back until confused, contradictory revelations from Joseph Smith back frustrated their
efforts. On some days he'd call for peace, others war, and finally he wanted surrender.
Eventually a “compromise” was met
in 1834 where the Mormons would leave Jackson County in exchange for
twice the value of their property - which was not much since the locals
had burnt it all. Smith told his followers that all these troubles were
just the result of them failing a test of faith. And actually, Zion was
never in Independence after all. Oops.
By
1838, Smith had made things bad for himself in Ohio once again. He
founded an “Anti-Banking Society” (a bank that isn’t a bank, an
anti-bank, sounds legit) that was a complete disaster. It was either a
conscious scam or Smith was delusional in all things economics, so he
needed to leave Ohio fast. Turns out the promised land was in Missouri
after all, now in a city called Far West, to Independence’s east. He
also found the first man, Adam’s home after getting expelled from the Garden of Eden.
Wow, it was here in Missouri too. This time Smith decided he needed his
own paramilitary force, the Danites. If the locals would
attacked again, the Latter-Day Saints would be able to fight back.
Turns out arming themselves only made things worse, and tensions grew very quickly.
There
is not one incident in the Mormon War, just three months of violence,
intimidation, one skirmish, and one massacre between August and November
1838. It started ugly when the Mormons tried to vote, only to be
intimidated, and then the Danite paramilitary marched back into town. They threatening
to kill a local judge, setting the conflict off fully. The worst event would be the Haun’s Mill
Massacre, where Mormon immigrants were living peacefully in their new
town, until an Anti-Mormon militia force came upon them without warning.
The militia murdered 17 people on October 30th, including two children.
Five more Mormons would die in other incidents. Clearly leadership was
needed from the state government to bring peace to the situation.
Governor Liliburn Boggs took the extreme step of issuing a warrant for
Joseph Smith’s arrest, and then proclaiming an order to exterminate them
all, ending the Mormon presence in Missouri. 10,000 people fled the
state for their lives in early November.
An attempt was made
in 1842 to kill Governor Boggs. We still do not know if that was on
Joseph Smith’s orders but the assassination attempt failed either way. Smith found yet another Zion in Nauvoo, Illinois. Here his people had been welcomed with open arms by the good people east of the Mississippi. Those open arms closed in only a few years, with
Smith becoming a kind of small-time dictator of his fourth or fifth
Zion, shutting down all descent, including an Anti-Mormon newspaper. An angry mob gave Smith the usual fate
of messiahs in 1844, also scuttling his presidential campaign. He
ascended into heaven and is up there with the other saints now. I personally don't see any reason to doubt that.
The majority of the
Latter-Day Saints traveled to Utah under Brigham Young, an even more
ruthless man who I covered in last year's WYTS with my list of Worst Americans. He
solved the issue of abolitionism by deciding Black people were just not
allowed in the church at all. The church finally changed their mind in 1978, shockingly late. Smith’s vision for his Zion utopian city
would be completed in Salt Lake City. I’ve never been to SLC, but it
must be an unmatched paradise on Earth. Surely.
PS: Lol, Chiefs. That season was hilarious. See you next Monday, KC.

Adam's alleged home is just north of a quarry (currently inactive) I inspect every couple of years, so I've driven past it a few times. It's pretty enough if you like rolling hills and a small river in the background, but as a heathen, I never felt any particular spiritual impulse when I was nearby.
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