Devil May Cry 5 is a gas-guzzling, carbon-emitting muscle car for an age where everybody has switched to hybrid engines and fuel economy. It wants to be indulgent and spectacular and something that will look great on a teenage boy's wall. I won't deny that it looks the part. The heroes are full of adolescent cool, the women have a funny habit of losing all their clothes, and the graphics are amazing. It even comes with a buttrock soundtrack. The valves and pistons in this big 12-cylinder engine of combat options are expertly engineered. However, Devil May Cry 5 is also an impracticable beast. It should be a joy ride but instead I found it very frustrating.
Last month I praised Kingdom Hearts III for being a PlayStation 2 throwback in the PlayStation 4 era. However, if Kingdom Hearts III is gaming's Amish Country, then Devil May Cry 5 is a Renaissance Fair. Capcom's devs act so behind the times they think "open world" means Grand Theft Auto III, that "Soulsborne" is a Metal band, and that "shlooter" is some kind of weird sex position. Devil May Cry 5 is a linear level-based game that is almost entirely single-player. You can use the word "arcade-y" when describing it. This was retro in 2009, and is outright transgressive in 2019. Devil May Cry 5 just wants to be a game, nothing more, god bless it. It has no deep ideas on its mind and has nothing to say about anything.
And sure, I love this kind of high-calorie fattening video game, but why am I still hungry after this meal?
