Somewhere in the middle of Frozen II there is a solo song for Kristoff, Princess Anna’s reindeer-riding boyfriend from the first movie. It is the easily worst song of the movie. Kristoff has very little to do in the middle of this sequel’s complicated pile of plotlines. So Frozen II creates tension for him so he is not completely forgotten. His problem is an irritating running gag of being unable to propose successfully to Anna due to a variety of unfunny misunderstandings. (Think Spider-Man 3.) As Anna deals with her sister’s magical crisis and her kingdom’s colonialist legacy, poor Kristoff and his Disney Ending ambitions are left behind, forgotten. So, he feels bad. And he sings.
A better version of Frozen II would build something off this conflict. The Frozen II we got took this moment to do a five-minute parody of overwrought Nineties love ballads a la Richard Marx or Bryan Adams. Think that godawful song your mom might have listened to from the soundtrack of Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. I think I was the only one in my audience who got the joke, and even I didn’t find it very funny. It’s a waste of time.
But the thing is, while this whole plot and this whole idea are mistakes, it isn’t a terrible song. It’d be pretty damn great on its own. Kristoff gets shafted by the complicated web of Frozen II’s many plotlines, but of course he would. Kristoff is least memorable cast member. I had to google “Frozen reindeer boyfriend” to remember his name when I was writing this review. Frozen II’s audience of little girls and late twenties men who are little girls in their hearts want to see Else be triumphant and hit high notes.
Problems and all, goddamn me if she doesn’t hit those notes and my spirit still soared. Frozen II is a movie so well-made that comparing it to 90s Direct to Video Disney sequels is downright offensive. No, it isn’t perfect and it isn’t nearly as good as the original. But there’s something powerful here. It’s a messy mixed-bag of a movie that fills me with a lot of emotions, positive and negative. But whatever those emotions are, I feel A LOT THEM.
