The Expendables 2

"The Expendables 2" actually opens with a great deal of promise, much to my unending shock.  Stallone and his crew charge into some ridiculously-defended town on huge modified trucks covered with armor and guns.  One of the trucks basically has a plow on the front with the words "Coming Soon" that mows down random foreign enemies.  Then they got an I-beam on the front of the truck to ram right into hapless enemies.  Everybody is kicking ass kinds of ass.  All to save some mysterious person covered in a white sheet held by some random Asian mobsters.  Everybody splits up to either shoot-up, stab, snipe, or kung-fu a lot of bad guys to death, depending upon their skillset.  The Expendables crew busts in, smashing through three buildings, murder everybody, and pull up the sheet to discovery its... ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER!  And despite being captured by these random bad guys, he's just as awesome as ever, the greatest action hero to ever live.

But the escape is even more impressive.  Schwarzenegger can take care of his own Austrian ass, the Expendables need to get some Chinese guy out of this area, but the charge into the buildings was the easy part.  They all get on jet skis white Stallone and Statham get into the cargo seaplane.  If you thought the "Death Race"-style trucks were the end of the awesome, you are just as dead wrong as these random mooks who thought they could fight a team of action heroes.  Because this plane has a dude firing a machine gun on the nose, and it gets better.  The enemies are all chasing in their own boats, getting blown out of the water by the Expendables Air Force.  Everybody climbs into the plane for the final escape.  First there's a bridge covered by dudes - they got a solution for that.  The nose of the plane has a goddamn CANNON on it, which blows up that stupid bridge.  They fly through the explosion, raise the plane up above a bridge, and just barely avoid crashing into the structure and being killed in a massive collision.  After that, they throw the guy overboard into Beijing, and they all go home for drinks.

And for a moment, I thought "The Expendables 2" actually had a chance to be good.  I mean, not just good, really good.  A true send-up to the 80s action B-movies - which is all the more relevant and necessary today when the last big action movie of the summer was... well... "Total Bullshit".  It all seemed to be going well.  Then I saw the rest of the movie.  Nothing replicated the raw excitement of this first sequence.  "Expendables 2" at least is a huge improvement over the pathetic mediocrity of "Expendables 1".  It actually stands up as a decent action movie, with more classic stars, who actually get to do something.  I mean, Schwarzenegger, Stallone, and Willis are actually on screen at the same and get to actually kill something while there.  But still... the movie is something of a mess.

Robot & Frank

"Robot and Frank" is immediately right now one of the best movies of 2012.

Most of my favorite movies this year have been huge loud explosive adventures with people dying almost every scene.  "Batman 3", "Cabin in the Woods", "The Raid", these are violent, violent movies that really are more spectacle and action over characters and introspection.  Quit soul searching movies don't really start up until roughly around now, as the summer turns into fall, bringing us once again into the wonder of Oscar Bait season.  However, "Robot and Frank" is not really Oscar Bait, I don't think anybody would list it on any Oscar Predictions listings, which is really a shame because character dramas really don't get any better than "Robot and Frank".  This is an actor's movie, where the entire movie rests on the likability and skills of the actors, so its really lucky they got Skeletor to play Frank.

Frank Langella is one of the greatest actors alive today, and its really only in the last decade or so that he's begun to really show off his just perfect mastery of his craft.  He is virtually playing himself here, he even shares the first name with his character.  It really wasn't until 2008, with "Frost/Nixon" that Langella got a really deep dramatic role, when he spent his first few acting decades playing Dracula, Zoro, Skeletor, and the idiot who sets himself on fire in "The Ninth Gate".  And right after "Frost/Nixon", Langella went straight back to his villain roots as in the astonishingly awful movie, "The Box".  "Robot and Frank" really shows how brilliant this guy is, since the two humans he spends the most time with are James Marsdan and Liv Tyler, actors who cannot even begin to compare to this guy.  If you're looking for a movie where a great actor just rules the screen without being ridiculous or hammy, this is it, and Frank Langella is that actor.

But here's the best part about "Robot and Frank":  despite obstinately being an old people movie about life's end and coming to grips with oncoming dementia, learning to let your kids help you, and how stupid young people are, its also SciFi!  And not bad SciFi either.  There's a robot in that screenshot for a reason.  Its a buddy movie between an old man and his robot live-in health aid.  And just in case the drama or the touching affection aren't quite your thing yet, Frank and the Robot are cat burglars.

ParaNorman

Have I ever told you all how much I love the movie "Coraline"?  Its more or less the exact item I'd pick as the perfect example of a great movie, a true classic.  "Coraline" is so good that its basically elevated itself in my mind beyond all rational explanation or objectivity, I simply worship it as a sacred object.  It had a great story, dark visuals, exciting animation, excellent music, great characters, heck, "Coraline" had it all!  Everything you could want out of an animated movie, it was there.  So when Laika*, the company behind "Coraline" decided to make another movie, I had to be there.

"ParaNorman" much like "Coraline" is a stop-motion kid's movie that dares give the kiddies some dark visuals and heavy themes with a horror movie vibe.  In fact, this one goes quite a great deal further with the horror movie stuff, including making the entire story a direct homage to 70s B-Zombie-Movies.  It again stars a misunderstood preteen child caught in a strange supernatural adventure and tasked to save the world, but this time the lead character, Norman, is not merely suffering the awkward isolation of  a move but actually is a true loner.  Norman can talk to ghosts, which isolates him from his family, his class, and his entire town.  As  defense measure, he seems to have grown to accept his segregation and prefers the company of the dead, applying that obsession to a very healthy love of crappy often Italian horror movies.  Unfortunately it turns out Norman is also key to an Colonial Witch Curse that plagues his home town, forcing him to save the entire world from ultimate darkness.

What I was looking forward to was a brilliantly-animated family film with an edgy tone like "Coraline", and "ParaNorman" completely delivers on that front.  I don't believe it quite reaches the same glorious heights as Laika's first film, but it still stands an excellent movie for which to end my summer vacation.  Yeah, I'm going back to school, and this appears to be the last movie I'll be seeing before I must return to that place I call "college".  That's really weighty stuff, considering its my last year, and in just nine months or so I'll have to become... an adult!  DUN DUN DUN!  While dealing with the neverending stress of that kind of transformation, its good to have decent movies to distract you for a moment with an interesting take on the world.  "ParaNorman" is one of those great movies that dares not only to entertain children and families, but actually maybe teach them something.  I guess I didn't need the lesson, but I was glad to be entertained for the ride.

In Memorium, Tony Scott

Unfortunately yesterday British director Tony Scott committed suicide, personally ending a solid action film career spanning four decades.  Tony Scott is director Ridley Scott's young brother, and never quite received the praise he deserved from critics.  While Ridley made acclaimed classics like "Blade Runner" and "Gladiator", Tony Scott directed crowd-pleasing action films, often starring the ultimate crowd-pleasing actor, Denzel Washington.  He was a man who just made movies, it didn't matter what kind of movies or what they were supposed to mean or represent, he just made simple entertaining movies.  Unpretentious fun, right to the very end.  Tony Scott lived an interesting life, he was born in 1944 but spent nearly as many years directing commercials as he spent directing feature films.  So if you've never heard of Tony Scott, I'll briefly list his filmography below, and I'm sure one of your favorite action or thriller movies is listed below somewhere:

• "The Hunger", 1983 - I haven't seen this yet, but its a vampire movie
• "Top Gun", 1986 - one of the best movies ever made, still Tom Cruise's best movie
• "Beverly Hills Cop 2", 1987 - all around decent film in the franchise
• "Revenge", 1990 - a Kevin Cosner thriller, I haven't seen this either
• "Days of Thunder", 1990 - a Tom Cruise NASCAR movie, pretty infamous for being awesome, now at the top of my Netflix queue
• "The Last Boy Scout", 1991 - a Bruce Willis and Damon Wayans cop movie, I can't recommend this
• "True Romance", 1993 - a stunning crime movie filled with amazing actors in bit parts, but all around awesome, easily Tony Scott's best movie
• "Crimson Tide", 1995 - excellent submarine thriller with Denzel Washington vs. Gene Hackman for the fate of the world
• "The Fan", 1996 - a psychological basketball thriller of all things, I haven't seen this either
• "Enemy of the State", 1998 - Will Smith stops doing SciFi for a second and makes a decent government thriller
• "Spy Game", 2001 - Robert Redford and Brad Pitt work together in what was a surprisingly cool spy movie, probably Tony Scott's best directorial work
• "Man on Fire", 2004 - Denzel Washington kills a lot of people to save Dakota Fanning, pleasurable fluff
• "Domino", 2005 - this movie was honestly disappointing to me, but for a film written by Richard Kelly, its amazingly lucid and can be a bit of fun if you aren't expecting too much
• "Déjà Vu", 2006 - sorry Tony, but this movie sucked >_<
• "The Taking of Pelham 123", 2009 - this was a lot of fun, especially when John Travolta gets to bully Denzel Washington the entire time
• "Unstoppable", 2010 - Denzel Washington stops train, saves world, pretty much exactly what you'd expect from Tony Scott, simple fun, a solid popcorn flick.  Not every movie needs to be a classic, some of them just need to entertain the masses, and that's what Tony Scott did best.  The world is a worse place without him.

Make-A-Wish Foundation Final Fantasy Charity Stream

Have you ever wanted to watch a lot of English people playthrough every game in the Final Fantasy series for charity?  If not, you do now, because I'm ordering you to be excited by this.

Console Realm is raising 1000 pounds (which in real money from real countries is probably only two or three dollars) for charity, based upon the unimaginable humiliation of playing through every main Final Fantasy series and streaming it online for the entire Internet to enjoy.  Their host, Adam, has asked me to advertise in any way I could, I've already given some money, and you should too.  Because charities are good things, and they'll get you into Heaven.  And even if you want to go to Hell, you could probably make up some excuse to Satan for your good deed.  The playthrough will be up on the 25th.  They're going to do the entire series in just a week - which is, to coin a phrase, ball-steamingly insane with a side of fries.  You should support them, by giving money.  Or by watching.

Here's where you give them your money.

Here is their site.

Happy giving.