Jackass 3D

I love the fact that I got to see this movie in Frank's Family Theatres.  That's great right there.

So there really isn't much of a review to write here considering that its Jackass.  You know what Jackass is, I know what Jackass is, everybody knows what Jackass is!  Its a bunch of idiot guys running around with a camera crew doing the most numbnuts stupid shit to themselves they possibly can.  So they super-glue their hands to each other's chest hair, play baseball with their cocks, and jump in a ram's pen with a really really loud oboe just to get their asses kicked by it.  If you loved the first two, you'll love this one.  If for some reason you're horrified and appalled and cannot imagine why anybody on Earth would ever want to see something like that... actually, you should see this movie too.  Grab a bunch of friends, have a few drinks before the show (or even during the show), and get ready for a night of laughing so hard you fall out of your theatre chair.

And its all in 3D.   The exact same state of the art cameras that James Cameron used to make his overrated space epic, "Avatar" now is being used to make a giant rubber dildo rush right at your face.  America is a great country, isn't it?  This movie actually does have shit flying at the camera!  Literal shit.  Its like I was alive back in the 80s and could enjoy such previous landmark 3D feats like "Jaws 3D", "Friday the 13th 3D"* - absolutely terrible cheesy movies that existed only to have things flying in your face for a few minutes.  "Jackass 3D" definitely fits that bill.  I'm nostalgic for a period that I wasn't even alive for!

The whole movie isn't actually shot in 3D, that would be physically impossible for a practical joke show like "Jackass".  You can notice whole scenes where you can take your glasses right off and find that the screen has not changed at all.  Those are usually the sequences when the Jackass boys are screwing around with civilians on the street.  So they have the fat guy, Preston, ask a man on the street to hold his dog while he goes inside a store.  Then who comes out?  A midget (not Wee-Man oddly) dressed in Preston's cloths.  No 3D, but hysterically funny.

Though I have to say one of my favorite parts of "Jackass 3D" takes place before the movie even starts.  Out comes none other than Beavis and Butthead, the MTV stars of yesteryear, in all their 2D glory.  You put on your 3D glasses, and both of these cartoon characters are clearly just flat pictures.  They even give an extreme close-up, showing absolutely no depth at all.  Its a great moment, showing exactly how pointless all this 3D nonsense really is.  If you're going have something as silly as 3D, its best used flinging shit at your face, I think.

I've been preoccupied with the 3D for most of this review, so let's actually talk about the movie itself:

So yeah, this is classic Jackass.  You'll laugh at the feats, and you'll freak out from the gross-out portions.  I don't know about you guys, but when something particularly gross is happening (shit volcano, you are warned), I cover my eyes and ears and go straight to my happy place.  There are some things in this life I just don't need to experience, you know?  This is why you guys haven't seen a review of "The Human Centipede" out of me - there is no chance in Hell I'm going to see that movie.  Of course, while covering my face and suppressing a gag reflex, I also have a huge pile of popcorn in my hand, just waiting to get forced down my gullet.

I think, and this is a controversial call, that the Jackass cast is getting waaayyy too old to be doing this anymore.  During the end credits you got a shot of their kids.  Guys who have a little daughter like Johnny Knoxville shouldn't be screwing around in a bull's pen trying to get flipped over.  I know that's kinda prudish, but really, its a disturbing thought that one day that girl is going to watch this movie and see Daddy nearly die in about twenty-six different ways.  Hopefully she'll get a laugh out of it though.  But really, how much longer can these guys be doing this?  Will I be reviewing "Jackass 7" and talking about stunts being performed by dudes in their fifties?  Plus a lot of these guys really aren't looking too good:  Ehren McGhehey looks just about ready to drop dead.  Bam and Ryan Dunn both are looking seriously fat and old and worn-out.  By "Jackass 4" this is going to get really really sad.  And Jackass should never be sad, it should be funny as Hell.

Oddly enough Steve-O has never looked better.  Weird.

Potentially this Jackass franchise could survive forever, but I think they need to start phasing some of the cast members out and putting in new guys.  It can be a gradual thing:  "Jackass 4" has maybe two old guys gone and maybe three new guys.  By "Jackass 7" you're down to maybe just Johnny Knoxville himself, since I don't know if you can ever find a personality that can replace his ringmaster of the insanity circus act.  This is an inevitable turn of events you know.  One day these guys will not be able to go fight scorpions with their tongues anymore, and MTV will not let this title disappear.  Give it twenty years maybe thirty, and you'll see a whole new Jackass TV show with a completely new cast.  That's showbiz for you.

Ultimately really, I do have to say this movie is a lot more fun if you're drunk.

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* Its worth noting that as bad as 80s 3D movies were, the 50s had far worse movies made in this style.  If you pay attention, you'll notice that roughly every thirty years 3D passes by in a fad and then dies out again.  Honestly I'd prefer 3D to stay where it belongs:  in theme park shows like Epcot's "Honey I Shrunk the Audience".  Do I really need to spend five bucks more on movies?  Because when you get right down to it, that's all 3D means.