Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Hang Congress

Just imagine it.  Capitol Hill decorated with a forest of gallows, with an entire crop of swinging legislative fruit dancing in the breeze.  Hundreds of incompetent politicians, all rotting in the sun.  The price for their political grandstanding, putting the entire nation's economy at risk, being a simple severe and resounding punishment.  It would be a sight that history would not quickly forget.  Every congress from here on out will remember their example.  The future Senator who thinks he can be the next Ted Cruz, making a grandstand argument for no comprehensible reason when the clock is ticking for major decisions, with remember the current Ted Cruz.  He will hang from the highest gallow, finally getting the attention that he so desperately wanted.  Maybe his corpse can cameo on "Duck Dynasty", he loved that show.

Okay, we don't need to be quite so dramatic to solve the current government shut down problems.  Perhaps we don't need to storm Washington D.C. and tear down our dysfunctional system in a violent people's putsch, things aren't that bad.  But let's not fool ourselves into thinking that the American political system has been working lately.  This shutdown is bad, its embarrassing, and a lot of people are going to lose quite a bit of money over it, but its not devastating, not yet.  Everybody is exhausted from these pathetic political battles that seem to crop every six months, but at worst its a pesky annoyance.  However, at a symbolic level, the sight of national parks closing, the Statue of Liberty and the Washington Monument sealing their doors, its a goddamn disgrace.  500 people cannot do their jobs, and even then the problem comes from a faction of one of the parties, and America closes.  How exactly is this is a system that is working?

In the short term, there's an easy solution that grows out of this:  the Republicans lose.  They turned their budget concerns over into yet another battle over the Affordable Care Act - a battle they've lost on every level already, and will not win again - and its obviously who to blame over this.  You can say "oh, the Democrats aren't compromising" but compromising on what?  To not implement a law that was passed three years ago?  That the Supreme Court upheld?  That the Republicans got their asses kicked over in the last election?*  Eventually they'll have to give up on this fight, or else further build the hatred of the entire nation.  The end game has already been seen, a surrender now will only help.  But once this show has ended, do we have to go through it again?  Can we fix it so this kind of bullshit doesn't occur in the future?

The peculiar thing with the American system is how terms for political leaders are essentially inviolate.  Once a Congressman goes to Congress, he can do whatever he wants for two years, wrecking as much havoc as he wants with no oversight from anybody.  In the past, political parties kept their members in check, forcing everybody in a nicely controlled cynical position of moderation.  No Ted Cruz's could hijack their entire caucus to get themselves on the pundit-sphere and try to launch a presidential bid.  But even then, in another country, if the entire legislative branch had fallen apart in such a gross show of deadlock and incompetence as is occurring, those politicians could be recalled.  Elections could happen, the maniacs can go home, and then the wheels of government can turn again.

Conservatives worship the US Constitution as if its the Bible**, but maybe we need to make some major amendments to how our legislative branch functions.  Every few months we have a huge explosive show, as divided government had rapidly become simply non-functioning government.  Nobody in the United States wanted a government shutdown except for the wildest and most angry of Tea Party maniacs who are so desperate to end Obamacare they'd let this whole country burn to do it.  So what kind of Congress lets things shut down?  The broken kind, the one with severe divisions that go beyond just partisanship.  I can tell you one thing, if they knew their necks would be broken if they couldn't come up with a deal, they would certainly jump right for it.  Or maybe they can keep their lives, but not their jobs.  Sack these assholes, this is a country where the sovereignty is in the people, why are we slaves to the whims of less than 500?

Washington DC is infected by strong principled stances, people of too much integrity to ideology.  I want to see some cowards doing their jobs because they know their cushy positions are disappearing.  How about this:  the furlough of government workers, soldiers, and civilian contractors - that money comes out of Congress' pockets.  Ted Cruz got his twenty-one hours on TV, that kind of airtime is expensive, let's see him pay for it.

Oh, in case the Republicans already didn't seem like the dumbest and most destructive party out there, all of this government shutdown news is completely overshadowing the fact that Obamacare opened today.  Yeah, its actually shutdown-proof.  The Republicans could be ranting on all cylinders about how its not working, and maybe set up winning elections, allowing themselves to legally repeal the law.   Instead they're coming off as the biggest danger to America's future.  So they lose on every front.  We don't only have dangerous people running this nation, we have dangerous idiots. 

Guess what, folks, the heath insurance debate isn't a deep moral question like slavery, its boring complicated legal ranging.  Nobody needs to have a heart attack over this, though if you do, be glad because you're more likely to be covered today.  Nobody is batting tyranny here.  They're only creating it.  I feel certainly helpless under a terrible overbearing federal government, ironically not because of Conservative dogma, but because of Conservative party members.

So let's have a say in this.  Bloody revolution, or a nice legal change in the rules of this legislature, I'm fine either way.  One of those solutions will certainly result in far more exciting street parties, in case you're considering it.  I want a huge cane in my hands, forcing these morons off the stage.  In two months we could have a functioning government, instead we must wait two years.

* I really think politicians have no memory of any kind, at any length.  The Republicans lost in 2012.  Some Congressmen might have gerrymandered districts that make them untouchable, but overall, they lost on every front.  Barack Obama is still president, they didn't win the Senate, they even lost eight seats in the House.  Why?  Because of these grand political shows they keep putting on, and because they're losing the demographic fight.  Oh, and they sank the immigration bill earlier this year, dooming what might be the only chance they have to get on the winning side of history.

** And probably spend little time reading those documents without imagining how it can fit into their pre-concieved notions of morality and governance.


  1. Congress is a stinking morass of incompetence filled with an idiotic pack of bickering manchildren.

  2. Well this is awkward. I happen to be conservative and you've... let's just say made your point. I'd rather not get into a political argument with you because I kinda suck at making those. I really wish I was better, but, eh. At least we can agree our country is being run by incompetent idiots.
    I still hope you love me as much as I love you Senpa- I mean Blue.

  3. I'm ready to except my Chinese Overlords. Or Googlebots. Or the Canadian-Japanese-Mexican Republic. Which ever comes first.