Monday, March 23, 2015

Frozen Fever - Do You Want to Build a Cash Cow?

A fevers is an immune response to an infection within the body, raising your temperature to burn out the disease and supercharge your immune system.  'Infection' is probably a good way of putting the deluge of "Frozen" media and the resulting pop culture obsession.  Every child in America has been brainwashed into loving this movie and watching it constantly on repeat on DVD (or whatever people use to watch movies now).  Even I am a victim in loving that movie for having great music, memorable characters, and an original perspective on Disney Princesses.  I am a slave to the magic of Elsa and Anna.*

"Frozen Fever" is the short film that Disney released with their live-action feature length, "Cinderella".  This is a short so profoundly awful that I am starting to wonder if maybe I should join the growing chorus of "Frozen" haters.  Do you remember those straight-to-VHS 90s sequels that Disney used to puke out, whoring their movies to the lowest and slimiest of cheap cash-ins?  This is that, but luckily only five minutes long.  Consider this on the same artistic level of "Cinderella III: A Twist in Time" - with heavy incest subtext.

The story this time is that it is Anna's eighteenth birthday and now that she is legal, Elsa is putting in way too much trouble to make her birthday special.  The plan is an elaborate "date" (their words, not mine) around town, following a red string of fate to various gifts, including a big sandwich.  Elsa puts in so much effort that she gives herself a fever and then acts very drunk and loose.  During a mediocre song the Snow Queen starts sneezing, creating little baby snowmen creatures, who mostly pop around and do nothing.  Then Anna takes Elsa to bed, gives her personal loving care, and they admit it was the best birthday ever.  Then begins the filthiest, loudest lesbian sex scene since "Blue is the Warmest Color".

"Frozen Fever" is forgettable.  This exists for no reason other than to blatantly reuse left-over models from the original.  A shot of Anna in bed with messy hair has been exactly copy-pasted from the 2013 movie.  It isn't funny, I forgot the song featured in this short almost instantly, it has nothing to add to the story.  Disney has made plenty of silly and lively "Toy Story" shorts, yet they failed entirely with this "Frozen" cash-in.  "Frozen Fever" is enough to make you worried about "Frozen 2", because it seems they have already run out of ideas for these characters and this universe.  Seriously guys, unless you're going for an NC-17 rating, you had one good movie, please do not spoil it.

* I dare you, no double-dog dare you to make a joke about 'Letting it Go'.  Just try me.


  1. I love how unsure and nervous Elsa's smile is in that picture, as if she's not really sure she wants to be there either.

  2. I personally don't hate Frozen. I am just sick of them still shoving the merchandise down our throats more then year after the film came out.

    Actually interestingly enough for me, unlike everybody else It was not until a year after the movie came out and I finally saw it on TV.

    And I have to say .............its okay. Like a 7.5/10. Nothing bad, but nothing great.

    Its not the second coming of Christ, like people make it out to be.

    But that's just my thoughts.

    Sword Of Primus

    1. Sword of Primus, you are the sanest person to ever walk the Earth.

    2. Thank you for your kind words.

      Sorry for not responding sooner. Have not been reading the blog as much lately, since Bluehighwind disappeared.

      Sword Of Primus

  3. "During a mediocre song the Snow Queen starts sneezing."

    Is it me or Walt Disney had a sneeze fetish which he passed on to his successors?