Congratulations, Refia!

Wikis suck.  If you ever are tempted to become a member of one - don't.  Instead vandalize, that's far healthier for you.  And more fun.  Yes, wikis can be a nice hobby and give a limited illusion of community, but they're also massively stupid, Communist enterprises.  If you ever have fantasies about being stuck in horrible empty-headed bureaucracies and confusing committees, its perfect for you.  Never before in the history of humankind have basic issues ever become more complicated with legal-jargon, precedents, and the voices of a million people debating with a million different ideas.  And usually it will be over something like whether the character template should be blue or beige.  I know from experience, there's nothing to be gained from being a part of a wiki.

Anyway, a few months ago I started Magicite Madness II with Drake Clawfang, at the Final Fantasy Wiki.  All it was supposed to be was a fan poll, nothing complicated.  256 characters in the series battling for the position of most popular - that's it.  Sadly its become a complete disaster.  Terra is the Champ, and just for fun, I wanted her to fight Vivi, the previous Champion for the title of Ultimate Champion.  Unfortunately three people were in charge with three different ideas of what the rules should be, and everything fell apart.  I share part of the blame for it, mostly because I let another person get involved when it should have just been me and Drake.  This could only happen on a wiki, by the way.  Terra had more votes than Vivi, but she won thanks to annoymous votes, and...  you know, it doesn't matter.  Its stupid.  The whole thing is stupid and it ceased being fun.  I don't care anymore.

So I'm declaring Refia to be the real winner of Magicite Madness II because she's pretty.  I know that doesn't make any sense, but neither does any other conclusion.  Also Refia is pretty.  So that's that.  Congratulations, Refia!

Super Mario Galaxy 2

I think I'm going to have to go ahead and say it, because for whatever reason nobody else has.  Mario is boring.  I'm not talking about his games, they're fantastic, but the character himself.  He's dull, he's wooden, there's nothing there.  Honestly, after so many years of saving Princess Peach and crushing Goombas, I still don't know why Mario even does it.  What does he care if Bowser takes Peach away?  Everybody just sort of assumes love, but Mario doesn't actually seem capable of loving anything.  If anything, Nintendo has been actively avoiding pairing Mario and Peach up, aside from a kiss on the nose or two.  He likes jumping, I can tell by the excitement in his voice when I do a triple-jump, but beyond that, who knows?  At least he's enjoying himself.

But beyond getting the next Star, what is Mario after?  What is his real goal?  Does he have one?  Where does he live?  Its baffling to me that the most famous face in video games is also one of worst developed and ambiguous characters of all time.  This is why in Smash Bros and Mario Kart nobody ever picks Mario:  there's just no personality*.  Nobody actually wants to be Mario, we just use him to jump around.  Bowser has character, he's jealous, angry, and arrogant.  Link from the Legend of Zelda has some personality, its pretty subtle, but its there.  You know he actually wants to save Hyrule, you know he loves characters like his little sister and his friends.  The difference is that Zelda games actually have plots, and for whatever reason, Mario as a series is physically forced back from ever evolving into something more complex than "jump here, kill that".  And really, its to this series' detriment that it limits itself like this.

Despite that, Mario still makes awesome games.  "Super Mario Galaxy 2" is still a great game, just as good as the first one, but its lacking something.  This second game, despite having far better platforming levels, and much some truly excellent moments of gamplay, is hollow.  Its partially because I've basically played this exact game before:  "Super Mario Galaxy 1", remember?  And its also because Nintendo seems to actually going backwards with this one.

Tron Legacy

I saw "Tron Legacy" for Daft Punk.  And it had tons of Daft Punk.  They did the entire soundtrack, and what a soundtrack have they made.  There is an Oscar for best musical score and if Daft Punk doesn't get up that on stage in their funny little racing helmets to accept it, then I will eternally hate the Academy Awards.  This is techno at its most awesome, just incredible.  "Tron Legacy" might just have the best soundtrack for any movie ever, it fits so perfectly.  Its such a good soundtrack, that I almost forgot how stupid the rest of the movie was.

The original "Tron" was released in 1982, twenty-eight years ago.  That was back in the days when computers were just taking off, when most businesses still did work on paper.  The PC was still new technology, forget about visual interfaces, or mouses.  It was before Google, before Windows, before the Nintendo, before the Macintosh, before the World Wide Web, and if you're reading this blog, probably before you were born.  Computing was still a very wild frontier of seemingly limitless opportunities for a very small niche society of programmers and technicians.  "Tron" was made for such a different world.  If you follow Moore's Law, since 1982 the amount of transistors that can be fit on an integrated circuit has increased by 16,384 fold.  My old dusty Nintendo 64 is massively more powerful than the most cutting edge computer from the early 80s, and realize that the 64 itself is a dinosaur compared with the machine you're probably reading these words on.  The very concept of graphical interfaces was still in development.  This meant that for the audiences viewing "Tron", it really was the first visualization of the computer world.

"Tron Legacy" just does not share that spirit, sadly.  There doesn't seem to be any real interest in capturing the magic of the idea of "Tron" by updating it to the modern world.  Instead they just made an action movie, a good action movie, but just an action movie.  The original "Tron" wasn't very good, but at least it was trying to do something that movies had never done before:  CG effects, cyberpunk storyline, and acknowledging video games as a major cultural force.  The new one...  its shiny.  I like shiny, though.  "Tron Legacy" is a good movie for what its doing.  And that's to be fun.  This is a great fun movie.

Black Swan

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I've been hearing a lot about "Black Swan" recently.   Apparently it has caught Oscar's eye, and now has somehow managed to reach right into ring of various Best Picture frontrunners.  Those leaders include the Facebook epic "The Social Network", "The Kids Are Alright", and "The Fighter".  Unfortunately, those movies are all such bores, clearly made by people with no interest to entertain anybody but the Academy itself.  "Black Swan" however, is a horror movie.  Horror movies never get appreciated by those snobby top critics, and they never ever get Academy nods.  Just how awesome must this movie be to have reached this level?

Pretty damn awesome.  If you want a dark beautiful psychological horror film with some lovely lesbian fanservice and creepy visuals, here you go.  Where can you go wrong here?  Of course, all this immediately disqualifies "Black Swan" from ever winning Best Picture.  If I were Director Darren Aronofosky, I would be proud of that fact.  Darren, climb up to the roof of your house and shout to the world "My movie was too good for Best Picture!"  You deserve it, dude.

Ballet is not my favorite art form, I'll admit that right now.  However, after seeing "Black Swans", I'd actually want to see the show Natalie Portman puts on.  She is able to mix together virginal restraint and a wonderfully screwed-up self-mutilation obsession to create a disturbing dance for her audience.  Forced to play both the heroine and the villain of the ballet Swan Lake, Nina's mind splits between her safe isolation and sexualized-violance.  She isn't being haunted by vengeful spirits or jealous understudies, rather its her own psyche that is tearing itself apart.  Its a nasty little film:  sexy, frightening, and artful.  Plus plenty of lesbian fanservice.  When Oscar time comes, I know what horse I'm backing.

Bleach Recaps: Ep. 184, Kira and Kibune, Offense and Defense of 3rd Division

Kira and Kibune fight in this episode.  That's really it.  A secondary villain fights a minor forgettable character in a mediocre battle that does not even reach a conclusion.  Does anybody even like Kira?  ...As it turns out, bizarrely, he's one of the most popular characters in Japan, having come in 9th place in the latest popularity poll according to the Bleach Wiki*.  We all know that Japanese teenagers for whatever reason love chronically depressed men and that's all kinds of messed-up.  But Kira isn't even Cloud Strife-level depressed, he just kinda has low energy and limited enthusiasm.  He should just work up the courage to ask Momo out, what else are you going to do for the thousands of years you have to live as a Soul Reaper?  Either get a girl or mope around.

Oh wait, Momo is dead.  Guess not.  Well, every other female Soul Reaper is single.  Keep at it!

As for Kibune, he's voice by Christopher Corey Smith, who previously worked as the Emperor in "Dissidia", which is probably why the guy is a smug effeminate jackass who you just want to punch in the face.  As much as I'd like a career in acting, I sure as Hell wouldn't like to be type-casted as the "guy who voices smug assholes".  Kibune in this episode is sounding less like the Emperor and more the like boss of the Meteo level in "Star Fox 64".  If you played that game, you'd recall that that boss was a robot piloted by a gay monkey - and he was piss-easy to beat too.  And that's Kibune for you:  a gay monkey.  Ultimately this all means that I don't really have anybody to root for here because I don't like either of these characters.  Which means I probably won't like this episode either.