Renji: "So New Captain Amagai wants us to try working joint training sessions, huh? Do you think it will work Captain?"
Byakkuya: "...My hair is so damn pretty I can't stand it... I kiss my own reflection in the mirror. The kiss back is always so cold..."
Renji: "I mean, it wasn't long ago that we almost descended into a total civil war thanks to just three guys and a pile of intruders. But its such a break from Soul Society tradition. Its cool to have an outsider's opinions on things, huh?"
Byakkuya: "...Goddamn I am pretty..."
But of course, "Bleach" never can move at a quick pace, God help us if it ever did. I can't imagine what Tite Kubo would have done if he was writing the Goku vs. Freeza fight from "Dragonball Z", it might have lasted to the present day. (Shudder)
So the episode opens with a Captains'meeting involving Amagai's* proposal. It didn't take Amagai long to figure out that the Gotei 13 are more split up into factions than the damn Holy Roman Empire and runs about as smoothly. His entire Squad almost got murdered previously because Mayuri screwed up. Kenny is against it, I guess only because it doesn't actively involve him murdering somebody for fun. But Captain TB steps in and gives some support, mentioning the infamous trio of Aizen, Tosen, and Gin. Nothing gets decided, and the meeting ends rather pointlessly. Amagai gets drunk afterwards way too easily - a running gag that will never be funny, but still will get mentioned at least once an episode I fear.
Sirs Not Appearing in This Film
Meanwhile a whole lot of nothing happens for a couple of scenes and my eyes trailed to where they usually trail during times like these: Ragiku's cleavage. It was either there or going to sleep, don't blame me. Kira then confronts Kibune over seeing him enter the Kasalucyintheskieswithdiamondsoji Clan HQ, which I hoped might actually lead to something last week. Kibune just lies and everybody seems to buy it. Kira, sadly, isn't exactly the most forceful fellow, and lets Kibune go.
Then its security alert! Menos Grande have snuck into the Soul Reaper base! Oh God, what a disaster!
...Wait a second! Who cares about Menos? Bush-league threats, I bet even the stuffed lion, Kon could beat those guys. So that's zero tension right there, great "Bleach". Kibune is all gung-ho to go, and so is the Squad, but Kira is really cautious since well, he's Kira. The Squad gets tired of Kira's meek resistance and decide to follow Kibune instead. I gotta say, I don't blame them. Kira isn't exactly Patton now is he? Standing around and hesitating like a loser who can't talk to a pretty girl isn't helping either. Kira is as inspiring of a leader as a freshly used blow-up doll.
Things do not go much better for the other Squads, who manage to make a complete mess of everything in a matter of seconds. Squad 11 and Squad 7 fight to get to the target first, people get lost, the whole thing is a complete embarrassing disaster. In fact, its downright hilarious: how the Hell did the Soul Society survive this long in the first place? These guys are pathetic! The only way the Soul Society didn't get murdered by the damn Bounts several seasons ago was because that group was even more disorganized and completely full of backstabbers. Plus Jin Kariya was kind of an idiot, but that's another topic. At one point the entire advance is stopped by a near-riot when the Soul Reapers run into a dead-end.**
But really, what do you expect out of an army that employs lunatics like Kenny and Mayuri? If somebody as crazy as Kenny even worked for the post office he'd get fired in a day, and probably kill a thousand people in the process. And Mayuri is probably the most evil dude on this show, caring only about his research. I don't know why Aizen hasn't tried to employ him yet. The Soul Society has no discipline: it gives maniacs and prima donas like Byakkuya promotions and then expects everybody to do their jobs when the chips fall. No wonder why Ichigo almost defeated these guys single-handedly. They're a joke. Though I'm guessing that when the chips do fall the power of friendship will get them to work together or something, or maybe just plain old luck in numbers. If Aizen is half the tactical genius he's been set up to be, he could finish this army off faster than Rosie O'Donnel finishes a slice of chocolate cake.
Anyway, Amagai takes over the situation and gives out very complex order to the teams of units, even though the Menos can be defeated in a single blow. He also chews out Kibune for overstepping his rank by taking Kira's position, even though after what I've seen of Kira I can't blame Kibune. If Kira was in command and it was a real emergency, he might get somebody killed. Who thought this man was at all qualified to lead soldiers? He makes the captain from "Aliens" look like Alexander the Great. Anyway, back to Amagai's big commander routine. I'm guessing he's supposed to be a tactical genius or something, but since the orders he gives are just vague military-sounding stuff like "Squad 6 flank right" and you never have any idea where anything is in spacial relationships, I'll just have to take the show's word for it. Honestly I think he could have done this a lot faster by simply killing off all the Menos himself in a matter of minutes but this works too. Victory is assured soon enough.
But meanwhile, Kibune is watching the battle, and he's changed his glasses to "Mitch Hedberg Mode".
"I'm an ice sculptor. Last night I made a cube."
Turns out that Kibune's glasses actually are recording all kinds of battle data, meaning that yes, its a DBZ scanner. Since Kibune is so evil he buys the same brand of glasses as Granz, this might be a bad thing. As for the Menos, turns out it was all a joke played by Head Captain Yamamoto. He wanted to test the Soul Society to see if they could defeat even the lowest threats without making themselves all look like morons, and I guess he got his answer. The joint training sessions will begin next episode. Woo. Hoo.
So now that the NINJARS are all dead, this arc has completely lost all semblance of a plot? Are joint training sessions really so interesting that we have to devote a whole episode to them? Its not like that's going to become a returning thing for the Soul Society, none of this episode happened, remember? This is all out of continuity! Its nonsense! When we return to the real plot the Soul Society will have spent as much time working on joint training as I've spent in ballerina school. The whole training thing is probably just a ploy anyway, concocted by either Amagai himself, or whoever else is the evil mastermind (Kumoi is too obvious to not be a red-herring) to begin the next stage of the plan... whatever that is. I'd sure like to know, because I'm starting to doze off here, people.
Here's to next week, I guess.
Here's to next week, I guess.
* Its interesting to actually see Shusuke Amagai show up in his own arc, how long has it been now? Like seven episodes right? So far in the entirety of these recaps. I've only done one Amagai episode. Of course, I've only been doing this for like a month, so there's that too. Feels a lot longer, don't it?
** Can't they just fly over the damn wall?? Only minutes later you see Soul Reapers floating around like faeries, so its not like they can't fly in the Soul Society (which was my first guess). How coming flying is so inconsistent in this series? Is it so hard??
Yeah, the flying thing bugs me too. Maybe it's like Wile E. Coyote, and they can only fly in battle because they're focusing so much on the fight that they don't notice that they're floating.
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