Bleach Recaps: Ep. 180, The Princess' Decision, the Sorrowful Bride

Here's one thing I can say about the Bount arc, as awful as it was*:  it at least made sense.  Yeah, it dragged worse than a bus with only three wheels, but still there was a simple reasonable plot.  These vampire-dudes called Bounts had superpowers and wanted to destroy the Soul Society.  They could all fight reasonably well (that half of their skills were utter nonsense tricks is not the issue) and you could imagine these guys actually managing to take out a Captain or two.  Yeah, half the arc was spent with Ichigo unable to use his Bankai, thus slowing things down pointlessly, but still, even with his Bankai some of those Bounts were pretty nasty.  If the Bount leader, Kariya wasn't such an insane moron, they might actually have won.  In the New Captain Amagai Arc, things don't make that much sense.

For one, nobody has yet to explain to me why Ichigo hasn't simply dragged the Evil Old Guy outside and given him a nice kick in the ass.  Whats to stop him?  Noble family guards?  If Kenryu and Enryu are the best guards in the Kasagodzillavsmechagodziilaoji Clan, then Ichigo could have this whole issue settled in about two minutes flat.  And who is going to protest this issue?  All of Kumoi's allies are shadow NINJARS.  Also, anybody who has a problem will just have to talk with Princess Lampshade-hat, who Ichigo can restore to full power, thus solving everything.  Then he can finally go home and have that beach party the opening credits have been promising.  Or we could find out what Amagai's real deal is.

Well, instead of that, they decided to drag on this noble clan intrigue plotline for another episode.  Well, unlike last week, this episode ends on the implication that something will happen next week at least.  Its just our bad luck that we have to deal with this week first.

In the Soul Society, it turns out that our dear Arnold, AKA Prince Shoe is getting married!  I love weddings, rum all around!  And he's marrying Princess Lampshade-hat**... who isn't even here!  ...How does that work?  Well turns out this is all some kind of evil ploy by a master of evil ploys, the Evil Old Guy.  If he can't have the Princess he'll just put in some other Princess.  At least I think that's what his plan is, actually the Evil Old Guy doesn't seem to do much planning.  Instead Ichigo and his party all kinda imagine what his plan might be, then assume that that's what it is.  For some reason they conclude that this is putting Lampshade-hat in a bind:  for some reason she can't allow this fake wedding to take place.  So she has to go back to the Soul Society right into Evil Old Guy's trap, or else... I don't know.  Maybe she'll lose her chance to be Clan Lord.

Well, who is to say that Arnold won't be a good clan lord?  Yeah, Evil Old Guy is pretty evil and Arnold will just be his puppet, spending all his days in worthless ceremonial functions and wacky bus field trips, but who's to say that Evil Old Guy won't be a good leader?  Being a ruthless monster with an army of NINJARS usually is a good thing for a political leader.  Peter the Great had an army of ninjas, so did Charlemagne.  Historical fact, yo.

Its like ten minutes in now and nothing at all has happened.  They've just been talking.  Great way to save money on that animation budget, right, "Bleach"?  This show needs to be made by a production company that actually cares, like BONES or something.

The Princess is also pretty upset that Chad and Uryu have been beaten to an inch of their lives.  Don't worry, those guys routinely get decimated at least once a season.  As a matter of fact, in an alternate universe in the main plotline, I think Chad is actually dead, having been killed by the Spoony One, Nnoirtora (or however that's spelled).  Well the Princess can't stand having been get hurt for her benefit, so she goes up to the rooftop to have another long chat with Ichigo.  Is this just going to be a repeat of Episode 175??  No!  (Deep Breath)

OH DEAR GOD NO!!!  NOT ANYMORE OF THIS!!  NO MORE ROOF!!  NO MORE TALKING!!!  I'LL TELL YOU ANYTHING, "BLEACH"!  ANYTHING!!  JUST NO MORE OF THE ROOF!!  NO MORE!!!

Luckily it ends pretty quickly with the Princess kicking Ichigo off the roof and escaping to the Soul Society to be married.  Wow, Ichigo just got his ass kicked by an eight-year-old.  That shows you, never screw with a chick on her wedding day.  I guess this makes her something of a Bridezilla, huh?

"And for you Ichigo, I leave... a boot to the head!!!"

So Ichigo and Rukia and the two idiot bodyguards run after her.  Yoruichi warns that since they're screwing with a noble family, this job won't be easy.  And why in the world not?  I think Ichigo can handle anything that Evil Old Guy can throw at us.  They don't even know that Kibune, the greatest threat remaining, is working for the Old Guy, so they can't know to be worried.  And anyway, I think Ichigo can handle Kibune.  For whatever reason for the rest of the episode they completely play it safe, avoiding fights, even running away, so there's no action to be had here at all.

By the way, they left Oriheme, Chad, and Uryu behind on Earth.  You can say goodbye to them now, since they won't be doing much for the rest of this season.

The Princess, on the other hand, falls into the Evil Old Guy's spell immediately.  She shows up again with those flat eyes you see on anime characters that are mind-controlled and never speaks again.  Well, three things could have happened here:  1) this is that impostor Ichigo's group speculated on, 2) she's under magic mind control/has a computer chip in her brain, or 3) Lampshade-hat is just feeling really crappy.  Prince Arnold doesn't notice and simply wants somebody to play with.  He's so excited to have a kid his own age to play with, I'm honestly touched.  "We can play cards, fly kites, play soccer!"  Arnold is too lonely to even notice that his new bride is a total android at the moment.

Then comes the wedding!  Its one heck of an affair with pretty awesome music played by the Riccola guy and... is that?  Can is be?  YES IT IS!!

Double-guitar!!  METAL!!!!!

When I get married I gotta get a band like that.  The happy couple gets under the Huppah, Prince Arnold stamps the lightbulb, and they are married.  Mazeltov!  Break out the Manichewitz!  Drinks all around!  Hava nagila!  Hava nagila!  Hava nagila v'nismeha!

Then the happy couple is brought in front of all the goyim peasants to be celebrated.  Arnold is so happy, and Lampshade-hat is so miserable, its pathetic.  Cheer up, Lampshade, stop being such a bitch.  While you've been learning the importance of carrots and going to tea parties poor Arnold here has been locked alone in his room without even being able to go to bathroom.  I bet she's the type who doesn't put out on the honeymoon.  Arnold, you're too good for her!  I've now officially decided that Prince Arnold is awesome.  I want to buy him an ice cream, or push him on the swings.  Too bad he only exists in this weird tangent universe where the Amagai Arc takes place, so soon enough we'll never seen him again.  Boo.

Well then Ichigo pops in to interrupt the wedding and rescue the Princess.  Well that doesn't go quite so well when first the Princess doesn't seem to care at all, and then Captain Soi Fon and Squad 2 pop in to kick ass.  Oh shit, Ichigo, you are screwed now!  Soi Fon is a psycho lesbian bitch ninja, and we all know you don't screw with psycho lesbian bitch ninjas.

And on that finally interesting note, the episode ends.  Maybe next week will be better.  Probably not.  I rather doubt that Ichigo will actually fight Soi Fon.

By the way, new ending theme:  Gallop.  I'm pretty "eh" about it, and was "eh" about the last one (though upon listening to it again, I rather like it now).  The opening credits changed a bit as well, this time showing more of Amagai instead of focusing on Ichigo vs the Purple-Haired NINJAR.  This gives me the worried feeling that we might only be half-way through this arc.  Oh God...

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* In all honestly, I give the Bount arc a lot of crap here, but really the last dozen episodes of it were not that bad.  That when the Bounts broke into the Soul Society, everybody finally stopped holding back, and real fighting finally got done.  Most of those fights were really good, in fact they all were.  Of course, the friggin' terribleness of the Mod Souls evens it out.

** Arnold and Lampshade-hat are both played by the same voice actress, Brianne Siddall, probably most famous for playing the main character, Tsukasa on ".hack//SIGN".  Brianne is actually a master of a young boy's voice, since until I actually bothered to look it up I was certain Tsukasa was played by a male (which is fitting for that show come to think of it)  Basically she's marrying herself in this episode, which is pretty darn kinky.