Bleach Recaps: Ep. 189, The Fallen Shinimagi's Pride

This episode was the final episode of the New Captain Amagai Arc, meaning that it had to A) finish the Ichigo vs. Amagai battle, B) complete Amagai's character arc, C) complete Princess Lampshade-hat's character arc, and D) wrap this entire long meandering season in a nice little bow and make me feel that I wasn't being jerked around with for five months.  Well, they managed a few of those, but I suspect that letter D is a complete impossibility.  Well, if they killed off that tedious old fool, Yamamoto I might have felt better about things, but that would never happen anyway.  Its probably not a good sign that most "Bleach" fans are happy about this episode only because it means that this silly side-story is over forever.  If the Amagai Arc existed purely to waste time until Kubo finished more chapters, then it succeeded.  However if it was supposed to create a good story and entertain its viewers, it greatly failed.  For example, I actually fell asleep halfway through this episode.  Congrats, "Bleach", you finally broke me.

The real question for this arc is not "was it any good?" because it clearly wasn't, but actually "was the Bount arc any worse?"  Surprisingly, this is a rather hard question.  At the end of the Bount Arc, things actually got pretty entertaining.  Yoshi (not the green dinosaur), for one, had a really cool way of fighting... but then got punked out by Uryu.  Still, Amagai's season didn't introduce any more talking stuffed animals, so it wins by default.  I think what we need to learn here is that as bad as Tite Kubo is at telling a story*, the anime writers are even worse.

Obviously the solution to "Bleach"'s problems would be to fire everybody involved with the show and give me unlimited creative control.  Here's my first episode:  "Sexykai! Soul Society Stripping Competition".  (Hint - Orihime wins.)

Realizing that they only have a single episode in which to tie up all the loose ends of this arc, the anime creators wisely decided to ditch the needlessly long intros that pollute this series.  ...Oh wait, no they didn't.  Right off the bat that's two minutes gone.  Woopie!

So Amagai has gone Full Maverick here and is about to explode with Bakotto power.  He even manages to knock Ichigo down for a second, making the very gullible other characters think that the main hero has died.  Then Amagai cools down because he's immune to being raped by his sword like the other NINJARs were.  He took his Anti-Rape Pills this morning, I suppose.  So then Amagai is about to start a fight with Yamamoto AGAIN and then AGAIN is interrupted by Ichigo, who is perfectly fine as we all knew.  Poor Amagai can never catch a break.  Ichigo gives a speech about friendship or saving the whales or dental hygiene or something - I kinda dozed off here - and then the battle resumes.  Yes, I'm rooting for the villain now.  Sue me.  Yamamoto needs to die for being old and grumpy.

Also:  Hi, Bizarro Ichigo!  Long time no see!

"Laaadies..."

Ichigo gets stronger again for no reason and the fight is awesome for awhile.  Then things stop being awesome when the characters stop the fight for awhile to have internal monologues about strategy.  JUST FIGHT AND MAKE THINGS BLOW UP!  SHUT UP!  This fight needs to end already!  So then Ichigo hears me (somehow) and goes in for the final light show magic blast duel of ultimate destiny.

If you just start watching "Bleach" at this exact second,

I have no way to help you understand any of this.

Ichigo kinda wins by burning off a chunk of Amagai's Bakotto.  But then his mask finally fades.  So now Ichigo and Amagai decide to go in for the final jousting duel.  They rush at each other straight on and then Ichigo falls over.  Of course, its well known that falling first in a joust means that you win, because Amagai is nicely cut.  Now... finally... we can say that Ichigo is the winner of this season.  But then Amagai, out of force of pure badass charges at Yamamoto and stabs him in the chest.

To absolutely no effect at all.  Yamamoto was still asleep.  Also that morning he took some Anti-Stabbing Pills along with his prostate medicine:

"ZZZZZZZZ... huh?  ...Stabbed?  ...Whatevs...  ZZZZZZZZZ"

Then all the Captains** all at once teleport in.  They were all on vacation in Palau right up until this very second.  It was a group decision to let Ichigo take care of Amagai while they got some Mahi Mahi and tequilas  Now Amagai truly is finished forever.  But instead of the Captains taking Amagai out, they calmly tell him the truth of everything.

Turns out that Yamamoto sent Amagai's father to investigate the Bakottos because he couldn't investigate the Kasababymonkayridingonapigoji Clan himself for some poorly defined reason.  Amagai's dad wasn't murdered by cold blood, but instead was mind controlled by the Evil Old Guy, so Yamamoto had no choice.  Turns out the whole thing was a big wacky misunderstanding***!  Oh shucks, I bet Amagai feels pretty silly right now.  I think this exact mix-up was used in an episode of "Three's Company".  Jack was going to kill Ralph for murdering Chrissy, but then it turns out that Chrissy was actually just in the shower the whole time.

So to end this arc, Amagai sets himself on fire and everybody goes home.

 Considering the winter New Jersey has 

been having, I rather envy him right now.

Also in a final twist, turns out that Amagai was secretly in love with Kira.  Didn't see that one coming.

THE END

So now that the New Captain Amagai Arc has finally ended, let us review what we have learned:

1. Bakottos are a really stupid weapon to fight with since they inevitably rape your asshole in the end.  Also every person who has fought with a Bakotto against a Soul Reaper has universally lost.
2. Lampshades are not hats.
3. Carrots are good for you and should never be taken for granted.
4. Kenny loves tea parties.
5. Little girls should be married off way before puberty in arranged marriages - because that's how a civilized society works.
6. "Purple-haired NINJAR" is a crappy nickname.  I apologize.
7. Check before your wedding that your bride isn't actually a ninja.
8. Orihime, Chad, and Uryu can all be dumped unceremoniously halfway through a season and then be completely forgotten about.
9. If you're a new character introduced in a filler arc, you will either get kidnapped or turn evil.
10. Yamamoto is a dick and needs to die immediately.
11. And most importantly, Rukia looks really cute with her hair up:

Uryu likes it too, I see.

Next week we finally return to the plot.  THANK.  FUCKING.  GOD.  FOR THAT.

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* Just you wait for the next few seasons.  Just wait.  That's when things get really stupid.

** Most Captains, I should say.  Kenny, Big Dog Komamura, Mommy Unohana, and Captain Insano are still in Palau I guess.  They're trying to see how drunk they need to get Mommy before she takes it off.  (Answer:  only seven drinks)

*** Except for a few problems with this story.  For one, I still don't understand why the Soul Reapers even bother with the aristocracy at all.  What do they do?  Why should they waste their time giving them any respect at all?  I don't see how the aristocrats, NINJARS or no, could be of any threat.  More importantly though, why was Yamamoto so steadfastly against investigating the Yasamaoji Clan until proof was staring him directly in the face?  Apparently he lost a cherished subordinate to them, so it seems like he has all the reason in the world to want them gone.  Either Yamamoto is completely corrupt or senile or both.  I hope Aizen tears his withered heart out.