Academy Awards 2011 Postshow

This year at the Academy Awards just about everything happened as the experts predicted.  "The King's Speech" won Best Picture, Natalie Portman won Best Actress for "Black Swan", Colin Firth won Best Actor for "The King's Speech", and "Toy Story 3" won Best Animated Picture.  Naturally every single Hollywood pundit started complaining about the hosts, like they do every year.  The musical numbers were tedious, and of course, the weird attempts at homages to past Best Picture winners were complete duds.  And to nobody's surprise, James Franco acted like he needed half a bottle of scotch just to force himself onto the stage.  Perhaps he was trying some of the titular weed from "Pineapple Express".  Still I'd take Franco in a chemically-induced coma over Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin again, so I gotta say that ultimately last night's Oscars were not that bad.

Even if James Franco seemed like he might nod off during his bits, Anne Hathaway took over most of the slack.  But despite her cute semi-nerdy yet glamorous charms (mostly due to two beautiful giant eyes) she was no Billy Crystal... so it seems that the Academy pulled out a red alert and air-lifted Billy Crystal in for the show.  I'm not entirely sure why James Franco decided to host at all, if only to just add another line to his tombstone:  "James Franco, Academy-Award nominated actor, Peter Parker's boyfriend, Oscar host for one year..."  Anne Hathaway at least is somebody I'd watch again, even when doing unfunny bits like the Hugh Jackman song without Hugh Jackman she shines through as a great host.  Personally I still miss Ellen DiGeneres and hope she comes back one year.

So anyway, the rest of my comments are just assorted little bits here and there, which is why the rest of this post will be done in the most organized fashion known to human kind:  with bullets!

• First of all, the "Inception"-parody that made up the opening bit was not that bad, if just a bit too desperate to be clever.  Anne Hathaway, as it turns out, has a killer Boston accent.  Alac Baldwin, on the other hand, is just as unfunny as last year, and the less said about him the better.  He was so bad that I'm a little bit glad that Cablevision made me miss half of last year's telecast.
• Wally Pfister, winner of Best Cinematography for "Inception" got the most unintentional laughs last night for his bizarre acceptance speech:  "None of what I did would have been possible without the incredible vision of my master Christopher Nolan".  Is Nolan a master of the dark arts and is Wally his helpless and mindless minion?  For now on Christopher Nolan's name on this blog will be "Master Christopher Nolan".
• Melissa Leo, winner of "Best Supporting Actress" (stealing it from Hailee Steinfeld, who I would rather have seen won) really tried far too hard to pretend to have a shocking flub by dropping an F-bomb.  I wouldn't be surprised if this was pre-planned to drum up some controversy amongst very boring people who have never heard "fuck" on national TV.  Melissa, you may be a great actress, but if you're trying to really shock people, I got only three words for you:  tits or gtfo.
• Kirk Douglas's corpse, returned from the dead thanks to some dark magic (probably Christopher Nolan's doing), was tragically far more animated and entertaining as a host than James Franco.  Another guy who probably should have hosted instead.
• Speaking of undead hosts, Bob Hope's Jedi spirit appeared before the crowd introduced by Billy Crystal (who got a standing ovation just for not being James Franco).  Sadly the very very dead Bob Hope made the funniest joke of the evening with this line:  "Welcome to the Academy Awards, or as we like to call it at my house, Passover."
• Last year the Best Animated Feature category featured some of the characters from the movies appearing and giving short little speeches.  You got Coraline appearing right next to Aisling and Mr. Fox, it was awesome.  This year... no such luck.  Bring that back.  Also, if I must admit, I was kinda rooting for "How to Train Your Dragon" to win just for the upset value.
• Thanks to a Best Make-up award, the worst movie of last year, "The Wolfman" is now officially "the Academy Award winning Wolfman".  For shame.
• I may not have mentioned this before, but the fact that "Tron: Legacy" did not get a single nomination for anything is just cruel and messed-up.  It at least deserved a Best Effects nomination.  Come on, the movie had the best musical score EVER!  I know that's a ridiculous claim when you have to size in John Williams and Hans Zimmer and the like, but I still maintain that one.  Daft Punk beats them all.  And this means that we will never get to see the Daft Punk guys in their wacky motorcycle helmets on the Academy Stage doing their French techno thing.  What a waste.
• Mila Kunis:  floral cleavage.  Oh yeah baby.
• The "look back at who we lost this year" feature was incredibly sad.  Michael was not in the montage of people, but should have been.
• Colin Firth was complaining of an insatiable urge to dance after winning Best Actor.  Obviously the cure for this would have been to actually dance, and I was gravely disappointed when he didn't.  Get Daft Punk out there and I know that Firth would destroy that dance floor.
• There was no last minute correction that put Hailee Steinfeld on the list of Best Actress, where she properly belonged.  That's too bad, Oscars.  Despite your stubbornness, you're wrong and you know you're wrong.  Just give it up, she was the lead, not Jeff Bridges.
• Glad to see that "The Social Network" did not win.  That movie still is not half as good as it thinks it is.  I was honestly surprised to see that it didn't win, despite "The King's Speech"'s recent rally.  Even so, I still held out a faint hope for "Inception" or "Black Swan"... hopes that were utterly pointless.  And "Toy Story 3" did not win, proving once again that an animated film will never win Best Picture - ever.

All hail Lord Christopher Nolan and may his evil necromancy bring us a great "Batman 3" in future years.  See you guys at Academy Awards #84.