Bleach Recaps: Ep. 192, Nel's Secret, a Big-Breasted Beauty Joins the Battle!?

First of all:  their title, not mine.  I would have called this episode "Bouncy Bouncy Juicy Juicies Yay for Booby Boobies".

We can easily gather from the title that the main focus of tonight's episodes is boobs.  Big honking massive prehistoric hooters.  Terrifying titties so gigantic you can't help but jump for joy.  Boobage so bodacious you burst with bliss.  Awesome arm rests.  Bouncing bazookas.  Cosmic coconuts.  Double-stuffed dingers.  Elephantine entertainment.  Fiendish floaters.  Grand gazzongas.  Hulking honkers.  Intense eye-magnets.  Jurassic jobblies.  King-sized knockers.  Lovely lolas.  Macro missiles.  Naked nugens.  Oval offerings.  Plumping party-favors.  Quixotic quibblies.  Raging racks.  Super squeezables.  Terrific ta-tas.  Unbeatable ultrasauruses.  Voluminous vulgarians.  Whomping whammies.  Yummy yuzzoos.  Zany zeppelins.  And um...  breasts.  Come on gentlemen, let's hear it for sleaze!!

"Bleach" this week was not horrible to say the least.  Granz and the two moron comic reliefs have been safely left behind in the other plotline while we focus entirely on Ichigo's battle with the Spoony One.  Then he tags out for a new warrior to step in... can you guess who?  And that new warrior has some huge... "fighting skills".  Ridiculously huge ..."skills".  Penis-drainingly huge ..."skills".  Oh yeah.

I note that the opening theme is called "Velonica".  Yay for Engrish!

The episode starts (after the long boring recap) with Spoony threating Nel for being a former Espada.  Ichigo of course is having none of this, because he's the hero and heroes do heroic things.  Nel responds in her typically cute third-person way "Nel could never be an Espada".  Some people find Nel kinda annoying, especially with her scratchy voice, but I like her as I like all children.  If you ever needed me dead, just send a little kid, I'll be utterly defenseless.  (Try to forget I told you that though...)  So then for whatever reason we have a montage of just about every scene that Nel has ever been in, some funny, some not-so.  God help "Bleach" if it could ever get the plot moving before 12:05.  Seven minutes in, Ichigo finally starts fighting Spoony again.

McSpoons isn't very happy with Ichigo, considering the entire thing to be a waste of his time.  He even goes so far as to call Ichigo "you, LOSER!"  I'm thinking that maybe Utensil Man isn't very mature for his 10 foot height.  Ichigo is kinda screwed here too, because he can't actually cut Spoony with his sword.  Yeah, Spoony is so tough that just like Captain Kenny, he drank some Anti-Sword Medicine meaning that he is uncuttable.  But Ichigo persists and Spoony is like "what's your deal?"  Then he goes completely insane for a bit:

"CANDY!!!"

Its at this point that Nel has had enough.  She freaks out so much that she turns into... A SUPER SAIYAN!  ...Wait no.  Even better:

Damn... girl... Just damn...

How is Ichigo managing to look at her face right there?  The world will never know.  Anyway, Nel is now a smoking babe with the strength of ten bears who have the strength of three bears.  And her... "skill" has improved so much.  Am I drooling?  Unfortunately for us, gentlemen, the power of the TV-14 rating has kept her cloths intact, Incredible Hulk style.  DAMN YOU, TV-14!  YOU SHALL FACE MY WRATH FOR THIS!!!  Her voice also gotten nice and smooth and... boring.  What's with this lame soft-spoken demure crap?  When you age do you lose all your personality?  I know I for was exactly this screwed-up when I was four, why does everybody else have to mature?  Anyway, what's Nel's rank?

Yes, this is only here to oogle her sexy back as well.

So now its time for some Spooning with Spoony, as Nel kicks his ass all across the battlefield.  She wipes the floor with him.  She uses him to eat her breakfast cereal.  Spoons is completely out-matched.  This sadly means that we won't be getting any clothing damage because he can't actually hit her.  However, thanks to an animation flub, he does gain a power:  regeneration.  Nel cuts him early on, but his clothing and body heal up instantaneously.  Oops!

And now this angle, enjoy

Once this post is over I think I'm officially going to Hell.  I mean, Nel was just a little kid not five minutes ago... I must be a very sick person.  However I'm going to blame Tite Kubo for thinking of this.  Man, if Nel's Ressurecion turns out to be a bubble bath with chocolate syrup I am going to lose it.

Spoony then tries to fire out a Cero at Nel, forgetting her special power.  Nel, being adapt at swallowing, eats the entire energy blast and reflects it back at him with full force.  Looks like everything has been wrapped up nice and tidy.  Poor Burton runs after his master, worried that the Spoony Experiment has come to an untimely end.  Once again the world has been saved thanks to massive boobies.  Is there anything they can't do?

Back with the heroes, Nel suddenly is back to her old self, jumping right on top of Ichigo and screaming like a child.  There we go, that's the Nel I like.  And it seems to be the Nel that Ichigo really likes, judging by the way his eyes have rolled back in an explosive orgasm.  Orihime has some issues though:

Orihime has got to feel inadequate right now.  

...Never thought I'd say that.

But all is not sugar-plums and lovely giant marshmellows pressed up against you, because it turns out that Spoony is back, and even more angry and insane than before.  He throws Burton away at 600 mph because the guy let Orihime go to check on him.  Remind me not to buy Spoons any Christmas presents, the dude will just murder me for it.

"Bitch, you broke my spoon!  NOW YOU DIE!"

Spoony decides to get confident again, saying that the ranks have changed since Neliel left so many years ago*.  "The number on your back is totally meaningless!"  So now the episode concludes with Nel and Spoony still fighting it out.

As for the battle between Renji and Uryu against Granz well... nothing happens.  Granz is perfectly content to sit back and do absolutely nothing while his enemies stand around commenting on the other battle.  Dondofuckhead and Peschemoron don't reveal any secret forms of their own, so sadly we're left with the same two annoying goddamn idiots we've always had.  Eh, that battle sucks anyway, I like my "Bleach" episodes better like this.  Then this thing happens:

For no reason at all "Bleach" cuts to this random unmoving shot of Granz for like ten seconds before cutting back to the Nel vs. Spoon fight.  I don't get it.  What does this weird expression even mean?  I guess its supposed to establish that Granz is still around... just sitting back with his mouth gaping open like he's mentally handicapped.  I guess his brain is on vacation in Palau for this episode.  Maybe Granz was supposed to have a line but before they could do the mouth animation or record his voice they cut it for time... then just left this animation frame around.  Can't the makers of "Bleach", Studio Pierrot, ever, EVER just once take pride in their craft and not leave mistakes like this in to air?

So that's all I have to say.  Nel's boobage has completely dried up my reserve of boob jokes, so next week I guess I'll just have to find something else to talk about.

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* Years?  Where is he getting years?  Aizen just came to Heuco Mundo and started making Arrancars last year.  He created the Espada months ago, not years ago.  Somebody screwed up again.