Bleach Recaps: Ep 207, A Boot To the Face

I know the Turn Back the Pendulum Arc isn't technically filler crap like we've seen before, but Episode 207 sure did try its hardest to make me forget.  This is because the "Bleach" anime right now is trying to make twenty-two minutes of television out of twenty-one pages of comic.  Episode 207 here is made from the Bleach Chapter -107*, which you can find online and read thought in about three minutes.  You know those recaps at the start of every episode?  Yeah, the average weekly Bleach comic isn't that much longer.  This means that this entire season is going to made out of only twelve issues of Bleach comics, and that's not a lot of material.  So there is going to be a lot of filler here.

Tonight's episode is a perfect example, because the only part that actually comes from a comic panel is the first two minutes and the last two minutes.  The rest is Lt. Hiyori, the bratty Visored, repeatedly kicking Urahara in the face.  Then she punches him in the face.  If you really love Hiyori, congratulations, this will be the best episode of "Bleach" yet.  Also, if you love Urahara, I guess you're in luck too - if you hate him you'll be just as happy.  Also if you have a disturbing interest in Squad 12 politics, my God, you will be raving about this episode for the rest of your life.  Oh, speaking of Squad 12, even though that place is currently filled with monsters and human-bombs, Captain Insano hasn't joined with them yet, so its a far less entertaining place.  Its basically Squad 3 from the Amagai Arc, two named characters and a full deck of nobodies.

So Episode 207 basically sucked.  Here's the recap:

Urahara is still standing around like a moron upon his grand entrance with the Captain Crew.  Yoriuchi asks him politely to take charge, but as we'll soon learn, Urahara is way too chill for that.  The man has reached a whole new level of zen, he's completely out of sight.  Yamamoto, however, is very much not chill, he hasn't had a chill moment since the Tudor Dynasty, right when his last tooth fell out.  So Urahara gets pushed out with a cane right into the room, where the Old Man makes a long-winded speech.  Apparently during a Captain Exam, you are tested for your character and wisdom... something I'm a bit doubtful of.  I mean, Captain Insano must have become Skipper through this method, and he's got all the character of a Bond Villain.  After that bit of failure, Urahara goes on to further fail by meeting his Squad for the first time:

"I have no idea what I am doing right now... haha..."

Unfortunately Urahara comes face to face with the fury of the pigtails.  Hiyori is pissed to see her old Captain, Hikifune, is gone.  Of course, we if had any idea who this Hikifune was or how he or she ran Squad 12 we might sympathize with Hiyori's anger.  I mean, is Urahara a completely different kind of person?  I don't know.  I don't even know Hikifune's gender.  Hiyori does everything she can to bad mouth Squad 2, but Urahara doesn't react, proudly saying that he's added ten to his former number and now he's Squad 12.  Hiyori thinks about this, and kicks him in the balls.

To no effect...

Shaggy's got some cast-iron nuts, man.  Balls of steel.

So anyway... Um.. This happens again.  Basically that's it.  Hiyori gets pissed as Urahara for some reason, she hits him, he's too mellow to care, and so on and so forth.  That's the entire episode.  Next Hiyori finds that Urahara is loading in his entire load of Match Luggage, and she gets mad and kicks one of the trucks.  The luggage falls on her, Urahara looks to see if she's okay, and he gets kicked in the face.

 One.

Later Urahara sees if Hiyori needs First Aid... and gets kicked in the face.

Two.

The next day, Urahara is proud to announce to Squad 12 what their new purpose is going to be.  But sadly he got baked last night and completely forgot to think of one.  So he gets kicked in the face.

Three.

The physical comedy just will not stop!!  And Urahara is so freakishly chill, he could not care a bit.  I think Shaggy has had one too many Scooby Snacks, because this is insane.  Then Urahara gets kicked in the face.

Four.

Wait, that's Shinji??  Oh yeah.  Hiyori runs into Shinji in an allyway.  She calls him "baldy" in what is the most bizarre insult ever.  Maybe all those blond locks are fake?  Shinji calls her an idiot, so Hiyori kicks him in the face.  By the way, it is at this point that I decided that Hiyori is actually the anime version of Sarah from "Ed, Edd, n Eddy".  Either that or Hiyori's entire existence is "that time of the month".

Later Urahara is especially chill and so enjoys the weather.  This man is now the single most high human being on the planet.... or the Soul Society or whatever.  This isn't just mellow anymore, I think he might actually be dead.  Hiyori gets mad again, and Urahara gets kicked in the face.

Five.

However, upon reflection, Hiyori realizes that Urahara let her kick him the face.  Because of the mixture of psychedelic chemicals he's on, Shaggy is one with the land, sea, and air.  He's got an Irish jig playing 24/7 inside his liver.  At night, Urahara converses with Jesus and plays strip-poker with Buddha boring going out to beat up Joseph Smith.  In his dreams he's Emperor of China and in his hallucinations he's the Empress.  Drugs, son, drugs.

Winners do use drugs.

That night, Urahara is visited by Captain Shinji.  Who by the way, is the creepiest man alive:

OH MY GOD!  HE'S GOING TO RAPE MY UNBORN CHILDREN!!

Did you see that?  He's so evil!  But he's totally not evil in this story... but that smile.  Oh God!  He's raping my keyboard this very second.  Shinji doesn't rape babies, he rapes fetuses!  No, he doesn't rape fetuses, he rapes dog fetuses!  AHHHHHHH!!

Ummm... on topic.  Shinji gives some token advise about leadership while being the most horrible rapist the world has ever seen.  Then as he walks away, Shinji does the most insane thing - he looks through one of Aizen's illusions.  That might now seem like a lot, but that is absolutely incredible for "Bleach".  Its been established that Aizen can create perfect illusions that can fool every single person who has ever so far appeared on this show.  And Shinji tore one down.  That means that Shinji so far is the only character who even credibly can fight Aizen.  Even Aizen admits that Shinji is a scary person (you think?).  Oh, when did Shinji first notice Aizen was around?  "In his mother's womb."

OH MY GOD, SHINJI RAPED AIZEN IN THE WOMB!!  SHINJI RAPES ALL OF US IN THE WOMB!!  RUN FOR YOU LIFE!!

...I'm going to try to stop doing that.  Um...  Urahara decides that being a Captain is fun.

The next day, Urahara announces to Hiyori that they're going to visit "The Maggot's Nest".  Wasn't that Greed's club in "Fullmetal Alchemist"?  Whatever it is, it sounds like a plot, which this show desperately needs.  And Hiyori just might have learned something today.

 Six.

Wait no, she didn't.  Here's to next week, when Urahara's reconstructive surgery might be finished.

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* The Turn Back the Pendulum chapters are all negative numbers, with the first one being Chapter -108 and ending at Chapter -97.  This leads to the frightening prospect that Tite Kubo might one day fill in those other chapters between -97 and 1.