E3 2011 Christmas List

So its now late spring again, which means only one thing:  it is time once again for that incredible video game expo that involves an 'E' and a number that is an 'E' backwards.  Yes, its E3 time.  Where all the biggest video game manufacturers deliberately misrepresent their products in order to excite one half of their fanbases and cause the other half to continuously bitch for roughly fifteen months.  And of course, about 10% of the stuff will never get released at all, going up to that big GameStop in the sky along with "Pirates of the Caribbean: Armada of the Dead" and "Starcraft: Ghost".  Naturally of course, I will never ever be bothered to go to this place, because it sounds like the single most awful, crowded, and loud place on Earth*.  So instead of actually going, I'll just write a list of stuff I want to see, so that I can be properly disappointed when its over.  And then I too can join the rest of my video game-playing brothers in bitching endlessly.

And thanks to Square Enix, I can be disappointed already.  Their line-up for this show isn't actually a Square Enix line-up, its the devoured studio Eidos in disguise.  No Kingdom Hearts.  No Dragon Quest.  No Final Fantasy aside for "Final Fantasy XIII-2", a quick cash-in sequel to a game I didn't want to play the first time around (but maybe they can get it right this time, eh?).  I mean, if you love "Tomb Raider", you'll be happy.  But I distinctly remember "Type-Zero" and "Kingdom Hearts 3D" being promised for this show.  Then again, SE might not even exist in a few years at the rate they're going, so I'll move on now.

Ultimately the sad fact is that I'm just a guy who relies entirely on some company or another to decide my gaming fate.  I might dream of  "Sheik: the Game" but it will never happen until Nintendo decides to actually make it.  I am at their mercy.  So here I'll just recap whatever games are coming up that I think are particularly interesting, and perhaps might pepper in some random idea for a game that exists only in my head.  Read on if you're interested.  But know this:  there is no way in Hell that "Modern Warfare 3" will ever appear on this list.

El Shaddai: Ascension of the Metatron (PS3, Xbox 360):  Now that's mouthful of Biblical phrases!  "El Shaddai" is one of the - numerous - names for the God of the Hebrews, meaning "God Almighty".  This is a game based on the apocryphal Book of Enoch, a book of the Bible that is only accepted by a few small Judeo-Christian sects.  Enoch is a Prophet of God who describes a rebellion of Fallen Angels who escaped Heaven and went down to Earth to have sex with human women and give birth to Demons.  Later he also predicts the Messiah some thousands of years before Christ.  Enoch is also unique amongst all mankind because he never dies, instead is taken up to "walk with God".  In the game "El Shaddai" you play as Enoch as he fights against the Fallen Angels in an action-adventure platforming game.  It has a trippy cell-shaded art style with a color pallet that seems to shift between areas.  And its made by the same man who made "Okami", one of the most beautiful games of the last generation.  This game seems to have a style all its own, which makes it extremely interesting to me.  This is the pictured game, actually.

Metal Gear Solid Rising (PS3, Xbox 360):  I haven't ever really gotten into the "Metal Gear" series before.  The few games I've played I played very briefly before dumping them in disgust for their bizarre storylines.  Also, Solid Snake's voice makes me giggle.  The guy needs a Sudafed or something.  But "Rising" is the story of a cyborg man with a sword that can cut through anything.  The first trailers show him destroying watermelons like he's a comedian from the 80s.  Even better, this "Metal Gear" game won't involve stealth of any kind.  All you need to do is run and cut and kill.  That's the way I like it.  I'm also interested in the 3DS remake of "Metal Gear Solid 3" because that one seems to be everybody's favorite.

The Last Guardian (PS3):  You play as a little kid with a pet giant rat monster in the sequel(?) of "Shadow of the Colossus".  Its basically that game reversed - instead of killing the monster its your best friend.  Sadly this game seems to be in some serious Development Hell similar to the situation "Final Fantasy Versus XIII" is in, because this one has been quiet for years.  If the giant rat is a more loyal pet than that awful horse from "Shadow of the Colossus" this one is a sure-fire winner.  (Ride me into the cliff wall one more time, horse.  One more goddamn time.)  The idea of leading a giant rat around makes for intrinsically interesting puzzle design, and it can do all the combat stuff for you.  Sadly since this is a story of a kid and his pet, the pet contractually obligated to die somehow.

White Knight Chronicles II (PS3):  The original "White Knight Chronicles" looked like an interesting RPG with a FFXII flair... sadly it got mediocre reviews.  But now there's a sequel - which is said to come complete with the first game plus some design tweeks.  Now that's some considerate marketing, two games for the price of one.  Basically this is a standard RPG storyline but it has the most awesome idea for a Limit Break ever.  The main character turns into a giant robot in the shape of a knight.  (This song comes to mind.)  Honestly its the two games thing that makes me interested here, not to mention that I haven't played a decent console RPG in what feels like decades.

Xenoblade (Wii):  Another console RPG, but more of a long-shot than the other games here.  This game is much more similar in game-style to "Final Fantasy XII" than the one above, being a free-roaming world where the enemies just attack you.  "Xenoblade" is kind of a sequel to the "Xenosaga" games which was kind of a sequel to "Xenogears" on the PS1.  All of those titles are games with very difficult development tales.  Like "Xenogears" was going to be Episode V of a six-part series which never happened, and it completely ran out of money mid-way through production, leaving it with a Disc 3 that is similar to the late two episodes of "Evangelion".  "Xenoblae" here has been struggling to get imported for years now, just adding to my interest.  I don't actually know if this game is going to be at E3, but I assume it will since its scheduled for release sometime this year.

Kid Icarus Uprising (3DS):  We've all been waiting for a new "Kid Icarus" game since Pit appeared as a fighter in "Smash Bros Brawl".  The sad fact is, the really cool Wii game that the late developer Factor 5, creators of the really awesome "Rogue Squadron" series, was never bought and went nowhere.  This new game on the 3DS looks incredible, its partially an action game and partially a "Star Fox" shooter.  Even though its not Factor 5's hardcore battle game, this "Uprising" title seems to have a new kind of gameplay with some very cool twists.  Also, its very colorful.  It looks like a damn good fast-paced flying action game.  Its currently the most interesting game that on its way to the 3DS, which is good because that system is desperate for any games right now.

Super Mario 3DS (what system do you think?  Sega Saturn, of course.):  Its Mario.  On the 3DS.  That's really all I need to know.

Final Fantasy Type-0 previously known as Agito XIII (PSP):  This was a sequel to "Final Fantasy XIII" once upon a time, now the situation is a little more complicated.  Its been in Development Hell for that long.  "Type-0" is the story of a group of Nomura school characters trapped in a massive world-wide conflict.  The trailers promise some seriously brutal war scenes, which is surprising considering this is Final Fantasy.  For example, lots of NPCs along with a Chocobo die.  The battle system is similar to "Crisis Core" minus that incredibly stupid slot machine interface.  What's promised here is a return to the World Maps of old, not seen since FFIX.  This looks really good, easily the most promising Final Fantasy game in yea--  Oh wait.  Its not going to appear at E3 now is it?  Funny thing that.  They could either show off the game that might breathe some life into this franchise or...... "Final Fantasy XIII-2".  Damn everything.

Final Fantasy XIII-2 (PS3, Xbox 360):  Okay, I just complained that this game existed, but let's be frank.  FFXIII-2 can be really good.  This is Square Enix's chance to fix the mistakes of FFXIII, which include half-assing the entire game world down to a straight line.  FFXIII ended on enough of an open note that there could be a great story left to tell.  Honestly, I'm somewhat excited by this title, not as much as everything else here, but there is potential.  And maybe this time Lightning x Hope can happen as I've always dreamed...

The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword (Wii):  Its Zelda.  That's really all I need to say.  Its been years since "Twilight Princess", I can't stand the wait any longer...  This is getting maddening.  I'm going to lose my mind if this game isn't released immediately!!  Please God, Nintendo, DON'T YOU DARE delay this game to be a launch title for the Twii**.

The Last Story (Wii):  I don't actually know if this is going to appear at E3 but goddammit do I hope it will.  "The Last Story" is actually unconfirmed for release outside of Japan, which is very depressing because this is the best looking RPG out of the bunch.  Its the creation of Hironobu Sakaguchi (aka: Master Eraquas from "Birth by Sleep"), the granddaddy of Final Fantasy, and its title seems to be a direct challenge to that currently stagnant franchise.  "The Last Story" promises an very action-oriented RPG battle system that incorporates elements from cover-based FPSs.  And there are some environmental elements into the combat, a feature most RPGs completely ignore, even FFXII.  This game looks amazing, probably the best RPG game in a long long time... but it might never seen the light of day outside of the Land of the Rising Sun.  I will rage if that happens.

And that's really the full list.  I'll come back to this next week when E3 has actually happened to see what completely new games have caught my eye.  Maybe there will be a surprise announcement of "Rogue Squadron 4" or something.  Now I just need to send this in to Santa.

----------------------------------------
* I like people.... but only like four at a time.  Ten is my upper limit.  Get like fifty thousand of them in a single convention center in the middle of Los Angeles and it sounds like one of Dante's descriptions of the Inferno.  Not to mention that LA is already Hell to begin with.

** Two + Wii = Twii.  That's the official title, declaring it now.  In five years we'll then have the Thrii.