Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Do I Have to See the New Terry Malice Movie?

Terrance Malick made another movie in under a year.  Despite being a so-called "recluse filmmaker", the guy sure seems to be enjoying his post-"Tree of Life" career high and already made another completely incomprehensible epic about... assorted things.  But this time it has Ben Affleck!  And according to the immediate reports from Venice Film Festival (arty crap like Terry Malice movies always have to open in a festival), its even more incomprehensible and awful than "Tree of Life".  Apparently its the "least narrative" movie yet from this guy, to the point that Ben Affleck has less than ten lines in the entire movie and Olga Kurylenko spends her entire screen time spinning.  Just in case this movie didn't look bad enough, in reports, Terry Malice tore up his own movie, leaving various high-name actors like Rachel Weisz and Michael Sheen on the cutting room floor.

In this world there are hundreds of aspiring talents, young filmmakers who would sell their souls to work for five minutes with somebody as famous and talented as Michael Sheen.  And Terry Malice is so spoiled he can just throw them away in order to make... some kind of message about something.  Who the fuck knows?  I really wish I were Terry Malice, because from he's standing us little filmgoers and critics must seem hysterical.  Pathetic little ants struggling to uncover his grand pattern, when he knows that he has no pattern at all and is laughing his face off.  Or maybe he's actually come to believe his own bullshit.  Its awful.

So anyway, do I have to go see this next "Provocative Sensory Experience" from Terry Malice?  If you read my "Tree of Life" review, you'd know that was the worst filmwatching experience of my entire life.  And I've seen a lot of bad goddamn movies, trust me, but Terry Malice is the Lord Protector and Royal Majesty of Shit Movies.  I really don't think I have it in me to watch another one of these things.  But since I reviewed one, I feel almost like I'm required to do the other?  I know it would be entertaining for you guys, but this is almost beyond me.  I'd rather watch a full Transformers marathon than ten minutes of Mallick.  Maybe my own ego is too desperately clinging to its own illusions about the solidity of the world around me and I can't release my psyche into the greater spiritual existence.  Or maybe the movies are FUCKING BORING and I think I'd kill myself halfway through to save myself the doldrums.

Seriously, tell me I don't have to do this.  I really don't want to watch this movie.  My God...  Please help me.


  1. ...

    You aren't really under any obligation here.

  2. We look to the bad to appreciate the good.

  3. It's ok. It's ok. You don't have to see the wretched movie if you really don't want to. You really don't have to put yourself through this for our sake.


    Of course, this advice is probably moot since we all know your likely going to see it anyway. You seem to have this strange masochistic compulsion to see these sorts of movies.

  4. No offense Man, But Why do you put yourself through this shit? You Might as well Lets play Final Fantasy 8 and Final Fantasy 13-1 and 13-2.

    1. On that logic, I think I'll skip the movie then. Unless it somehow wins Best Picture, in which case I and the rest of the human race, are doomed.

  5. Thats very healthy for you blue, i was getting scared you might be thinking of breaking into motomu toriyamas house, then having sex with him, then complaining about it here.