Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters Trailer

Sadly not a horror comedy sequel to "Zoolander".

I guess Hollywood learned nothing when they released "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter".  Which admittedly was actually profitable, if just barely, but still, what a piece of crap.  If the concept sounds like the stupidest thing you've ever heard in your life, it probably will end that way.  I mean, Jeremy Renner is a cool dude, and they sure seem to have invented about one hundred weird crossbow weapons (Renner can't seem to get away from bow weapons, can he?), but I'm not getting any sense of fun out of this movie.

Maybe its me, but I'm so stone-cold shocked into some of psychological fugue state because of the title and the concept, I know I could never enjoy this movie.  And I'm not alone in being just completely floored by how stupid this is.  And there isn't even a sense of irony, they seem to be playing this straight.  Its Hansel and Gretel... fighting witches... for some reason.  WHY??  I think we've reached some kind of event horizon of stupidity with Hollywood now.  They've gotten so bad with their adaptations that I'm pretty sure next year we'll see a big budget action movie of Ovaltine!  "Ovaltine: Werewolf Impaler", directed by Brett Ratner.  Because why not?  "Vulnerable Bede: Martian Manhunter".  "Cheerios: Demon Slayer".  "Barnie the Dinosaur: Back 2 Da Hood!"  How much worse can it get?

(By the way, Hollywood, if you're thinking of actually making "Barnie the Dinosaur: Back 2 Da Hood", I already have the script completed.  That will be one million dollars, please.)


  1. What? Only 1 million for the Barnie movie? Blue you can get more then that.

    Btw do kids even watch Barnie anymore? I know it still comes on, but I have yet to see any child with some kind of barnie object.

  2. Seriously Hollywood? This instead of the movies for Metroid, Castlevania, Soul Calibur, and Metal Gear that we've been promised? >_>

    In another completely unrelated not, I just comleted what is probably the funniest Bleach recap I've done yet. Then again, I've been skipping out on the duty and making excuses frequently so... yeah.

  3. Hansel and Gretel growing up to be witch hunters isn't completely nonsensical, since they were nearly eaten by one when they were children. Pretty much all vampire hunters have the same backstory, just replace "witch" with "vampire".