Tuesday, June 3, 2014

June 2014 Look-Ahead

June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.  June.

Let's look ahead at the upcoming movies and video games for June 2014:

Edge of Tomorrow (June 6th) - Well, I don't envy Warner Bros. right now, because "Edge of Tomorrow" is pretty much bound to flop.  The trailers promise some kind of SciFi war epic involving time travel, the exact substance of which makes very little sense to me or anybody else.  Tom Cruise gets to go inside a suit of power armor and thanks to remaining a bankable star gets to go inside Emily Blunt, an actress decades younger than himself.  For some reason he gets to repeat every day in order to properly defeat a race of evil aliens or something.  It looks like "Killzone: the Movie", only with humans instead of human-like trolls as the main characters.  Personally my highest hope is that this film turns out more original and interesting than last year's SciFi action movie starring Tom Cruise, "Elysium".  Or maybe that was "Oblivion".  Who cares?  They were both equally forgettable.
--Chances to be Good:  40%.  Director Doug Liman is exactly the kind of jobber who would willingly jump into making a completely unimpressive SciFi action movie.  I have no hopes.

The Fault in Our Stars (June 6th) - Here is a romantic teen comedy starring two kids dying of cancer.  For movies built directly with adolescents in mind, it is easily more high-minded and intelligent than most of the shit Hollywood sends that age demographic's way.  Hey, even if it is just "Twilight" with terminal diseases replacing sex vampires, we're already moving in a good direction.  This is definitely not my kind of movie for a number of reasons, but it actually looks well-meaning and heartfelt.  Unlike Twilight, the main couple seems to actually like each other.  It looks charming.
--Chances to be Good:  70%.  There is always a possibility that diving deeply into misery and agony can be pandering too.  I just hope it isn't.

22 Jump Street (June 13th) - You know, I owe Channing Tatum an apology.  He used to just be an idiot doofus pretty boy, yet another one of Hollywood's Boring White Guys.  But he's been reborn lately, embracing his Bro-ness and stupidity, to make for a far better actor.  "21 Jump Street" was a funny movie, "22 Jump Street" looks like more of the same, only in college.
--Chances to be Good:  80%.  "We Jump Street, and we gonna jump in up your ass."

How to Train Your Dragon 2 (June 13th) - "How to Train Your Dragon 1" remains DreamWorks' best movie, so a sequel naturally would sound like fun.  The main character, Hiccup (played by Jay Baruchel), looks like he has really grown, and with him comes a slightly darker dragon war story.  Well, "dark" is a bit much to say about a story involving cartoon dragons flying around and doing wacky things.  The animation quality is top-notch, some of the very best I've ever seen from 3D animation, let alone from DreamWorks.  They are throwing everything they have to make a beautiful movie, God Bless their little hearts.  And Cate Blanchett is going to appear as Hiccup's mother, a dragon mistress.
--Chances to be Good:  75%.  Love dat dragon armor.

The Signal (June 13th) - Brenton Thwaites is everything now, isn't he?  Here he is again, in his third movie in just as many months, now as the star.  This is a SciFi thriller where a group of friends going out into the desert to follow a signal, and then... something happens.  Next thing you know Laurence Fishburne is in a science suit and the everybody is in government lock-up.  Something terrifying about aliens and mind-bending horror.  It looks interesting, because the trailer gives away pretty much nothing.  There are a few Indie camera angles, some comments from Sundance critics, and almost nothing about the real nature of the signal.  So I want to know what's going on.  That's called "suspense".
--Chances to be Good:  55%.  It looks cool and I really want to see it, but something about this story feels... generic.

Jersey Boys (June 20th) - Clint Eastwood directs this adaption of the Broadway Jukebox Musical, "Jersey Boys" based on the musical group, The Four Seasons, headed by Frankie Valli.  Now if you ever listened to New York's WCBS-FM 101.1* you'd know and appreciate the old Fifties doo wop and rock and roll genres, of which the Four Seasons was one of the greatest musical acts.  This movie looks really good, honestly, with what seems like a solid cast, and great music.  I'm not a big fan of Jukebox Musicals - they seem like a fairly lazy way to get people into a theater.  But this is more of a biography than a musical, and I can appreciate that.
--Chances to be Good:  70%. Clint Eastwood is a beloved director for some reason, but he seems to have only one speed:  boring.  Hopefully Frankie Valli can shake that up.

Think Like a Man Too (June 20th) - I swear to God this movie just came out in February when it was called "About Last Night".  They filmed the exact same movie twice, and with a different title.  They even kept the same cast!  I know Kevin Hart is not an actor with a great deal of range, mostly his brand of comedy involves a lot of shouting.  But come on, you can at least write a different plot!
--Chances to be Good:  20%.  Somebody explain to me Kevin Hart's appeal.

Transformers:  Age of Extinction (June 25th) - There are times I hate having this blog.  This is one of them.  Do I really have to see this fucking movie?  It's Michael Bay.  It's Transformers.  These movies have sucked longer than I can remember.  Fuck me.. Noooo....  NOOO!!  'Oh, it's got robot dinosaurs now!'  Yeah, fuck you.  It's going to suck so much shit that you ass will be funnel-shaped by the end.  'Oh, Shia LaBooooof is gone.'  Yeah, I don't really care.  Marky Mark aint saving this franchise.  The same stupid comic relief nonsense is going to destroy this movie just like it did the first three.  If anybody can make a bad movie, it is Michael Bay.  Oh, and the same screenwriter of the first three movies, Ehren Kruger, is doing the same crap again.  The man has never written a good movie in ten years of work - his high point was "Scream 3"!  I can't wait for the masturbation jokes, the dog-pissing jokes, the fat chick jokes, the racist jokes - you know what's coming.  I know what's coming.  Why me??  WHY ME???
--Chances to be Good:  WHY ME%.  The only silver lining is that if my run of 0 comments posts continues, I can abandon this blog before subjecting myself to what will definitely be the worst movie of the year.  Hey, if nobody is reading, that makes  my life that much easier.  I don't have to see the fucking "Ninja Turtles" movie either.

Snowpiercer (June 25th) - Chris Evans stars in this South Korean dystopian action film.  I hesitate to call it "SciFi" because it's concept is so ridiculous I don't think you could ever pretend this is the real world in the future.  Civilization appears to have all been destroyed besides a single train, which travels across the snowbound planet, with the first class passengers oppressing those in steerage, in one of the broadest class warfare metaphors ever.  Well, it is definitely an original concept, and the trailer has some cool-looking shots.
--Chances to be Good:  50%.  I know I'm supposed to be hipster and think this movie looks cool just because it's unusual and foreign, but something about this looks rather generic.  Just like that Tom Cruise movie.

And now for those games that I seem to never play:

Murdered: Soul Suspect (June 3rd) - Square Enix's "Murdered" is pretty much the only big game release in June.  I guess this is the start of the summer gaming drought or something - but honestly I feel this whole year has been a great deal of nothing in terms of game releases.  Anyway, as the only major release, let us discuss this game:  it's a mystery crime game where you play as a hard-boiled detective, the kind of man Humphrey Bogart would have played back in the Forties, tracking a serial killer.  Only there's a small wiggle that you've just become the killer's latest victim.  So now you're a ghost, and you do ghost-things, like float around and collect clues while nobody can see you, or make pottery with Demi Moore.
--Chances to be Good:  50%.  Something of an interesting concept, but Jesus some of the character models are fugly.  I also just do not fully understand how a game like this is supposed to have any challenge - you're already dead.  Do you become more dead?  Does Ammit devour your heart, sending you down into an eternal lake of fire?

Tomodachi Life (June 6th) - This is not the same thing as the late 90s electronic pet toys that always used to die within a few hours.  Those were "Tamagotchis".  Beyond that I know nothing about "Tomodachi".  This is the big 3DS release of June.  Apparently this is a "life simulation" game, which is about as vague of a title for a game genre as I could possibly imagine.  Pretty much what this is means is that you load up your Miis - everybody loves Miis right? - and then get to play a lot of weird minigames with them.  Such as a dance off with a lot of auto-tune.  And an RPG where you fight a Veggie Burger(?).  Um... okay?
--Chances to be Good:  50%.  Weird.

Transformers: Rise of the Dark Spark (June 24th) - Oh my God!  It's like I'm in a Michael Bay movie!  This is such a dream come true.  Because Bayformers are totally something I love, right?
--Chances to be Good:  WHY MEEEEEEEE%

And there you are.  That is your scheduled programming for June.  The Look-Ahead Show will return in July, assuming Michael Bay's Transformers movie has not killed us all by then.

* Unless you were listening between 2005 and 2007.  One night without warning the station suddenly ended and was replaced by some brand new radio channel called "Jack FM".  The Oldies were gone, the DJs were all fired, and everybody was pissed - even mayor Michael Bloomberg.  Jack FM was one of the greatest failures in all of radio history, replacing a storied and beloved station with what was... actually, I have no idea what Jack FM was supposed to be.  It just marketed itself as "playing what we want", whatever that means.  In 2007, Sinatra and Valli and Presley returned, and Jack was gone.  Nobody missed him.


  1. No-Comment run ruined.

    I really did not know about "The Fault in Our Stars", but it does seem interesting, at least it does not seem as mediocre as, oh I don't know, almost every other teen romance movie nowadays.

  2. Edge of Tomorrow is based on a light novel series in Japan that is currently being adapted in to a pretty great manga by the writer of Death Note. It's original title is "All You Need is Kill."

    1. I read that novel too, is pretty short and can be finished in an afternoon. I really liked it and thought it was really good, I'm kind of afraid of the Hollywood adaptation, they have a tendency to f*ck up foreign stories, I am already pissed off that the soldiers will be wearing "partial body-suits" instead of a "full-body robotic suit' akin to an iron man suit.

      I'm really excited about HTTYD 2! And really upset that Michael Bay in now ruining the Dinobots, this man needs to be stopped! But also get a bro fist bump if he actually banged Megan Fox before we rid the world of his suckiness.


  3. Okay I really want you to see this comment Blue.
    As a long time transfan I admit the Michael Bay movies range from mediocre to shit. But that's not to say the whole franchise is awful. Off the top of my head there are three transformers media products I could whole heartily recommend.
    1.Beast Wars: As a child of the 90's you probably recognize this one. The CGI is a bit primitive at this point. But once the story gets going its a amazing show with great memorable characters due to the small cast size and amazing story telling with actual emotions. Plus one of the most epic series finales in western animation.
    2.Transformers animated: I know the art style is a bit off a turn off. I know when I first saw it I thought it was going to be awful. But like beast wars its made up of a small cast that leads to great character development, some truly awesome fight scenes despite the style, transformers references up the wazoo, and some of the darkest moments in western animation like one of the good guys forcibly ripping out body parts out of one of the antagonists, suicide on screen and for all intents and purposes baby suicide bombers. It along with beast wars is my fav transformers tv series.
    3.Transformers IDW comics: This is a bit of a broader range then one TV series, but it needs to be mentioned as its most along the lines of what the Transformers movies should have been. Infiltration-stormbringer-escalation-devastation-spotlights are the first wave of the line where the transformers have infiltrated Earth for decades as part of a intergalactic war. Earth is not the end all planet in the series, there is tens of planets where the transformers fight covert wars with one another. Heck Optimus and megatron don't appear in the first series til the end, its the other transformers and some actually likeable human characters that drive the story. The series gives the feeling of a grander universe to the transformers what with intergalactic laws governing the war and protocols on infiltration on alien planets and cosmic forces like a dead universe and the transformers equivalent a evangelion esque abomination scorching their planet so its unlivable.
    However being completely honest for a while it kind of sucked with a 16 issue series about the decepticons taking over new York that was written by a guy who knew next to nothing about transformers and just shoving his Japanese style sword wielding fan fic character for a while, followed up by a crappy 2 year ongoing with a even more unlikable spike witwicky then the movies (unlikeable douchebag) . However when all seemed lost IDW restarted the two series with two separate ongoings: One Robots in Disguise is the more traditional title on cybertron with more well known characters trying to handle with peace after 4 million years of war. But the other one More then meets the eye is the better of the two in my opinion of the exploits of some lesser known characters sailing across the cosmos looking for the Knights of cybertron. But in reality its just a bunch of misfits screwing around having wacky adventures kind of like star trek the original series or doctor who/firefly with some now fan favorites, great humor and high octane nightmare fuel.

    All in all there are some great Transformers series and u shouldn't entirely count the whole franchise out is all I am saying.
    Sword Of Primus

  4. Actually Blue your blog is my second stop after Rotten Tomatoes for movie recommendations. Keep 'em coming!

    1. I'm with this guy, I consider most of your recommendations to be solid, and your reviews are very amusing. This blog is one of my favorite things on the internet, and if you choose to discontinue it, I will be forced to get two 2x4s and do something horrible to your ankles.

    2. Thirded. This place is my pit stop for movie recommendations. DON'T YOU DIE ON ME.

  5. Well, if you haven't been keeping up with the news of Tomodachi Life, I can see why you'd be skeptical. But I preordered it ASAP when it was announced. Plus, I actually love Miis. I wish Nintendo would do more unique things with them, and this is a step in the right direction, IMO.

  6. Edge of Tomorrow - Looks interesting to say the least. As some people have said on here it's based on a novel so this thing could go anywhere.

    The Fault of Our Stars - Too close to home. Can't handle at the moment. Hope it doe's well.

    HTTYD2 - Yes, yes, and goddamn yes! I've been waiting for this for forever and just by looking at the animation it looks freaking BEAUTIFUL.

    The Signal - So I'm not the only one getting some generic vibes on this? Still looks good and I'm gonna see it, but there doe's seem to be something "Syfy'ie about it.

    Kevin Hart's Appeal - Personally it's a delivery thing for me. He makes his jokes seem real and interesting enough that you get rapped up in them and end up laughing with the guy. Combine that with the fact he's the new go to black guy for comedy at the moment. So who knows that's going to last before he either goes insane or joins a extreme Muslim group....or both.

    Transformer - Mmmm I'm probably gonna hate myself more for saying this, but....I look forward to this. *Piece of soul flys out of body with a traveler's hat on and a suitcase in hand* What the hell was that?....Anywho, yeah I know it's going to be bad, but come on! ROBOT DINOSAURS! How can you say no to that?!?! Although I will NOT be paying to see this. My hard earn 5 bucks will go to the bootleg man.

    Snowpiecer - Although this sounds like a hardcore XXXX porno I have to say it looks really interesting. Sure it has a generic setup, but that's never stopped me from liking a movie.

    Video Games - ......Meh. The only thing to look forward to is E3 and Smash bros. Hopefully We'll get some Dragon Quest news this year.

    Also, Blue, do you have a steam account? I have an extra copy of RPG Maker vx Ace and I wanted to know if you want to try it.

  7. Blue, have you watched Breaking Bad? If not, I really have to recommend it. It's one of the most intense TV shows I've ever watched. And at first, I didn't really want to, but I've spent the past month or so watching the whole series, and it's amazing. At least give it a shot, man. I doubt you'd regret it.