Dissidia Playing Log: Part 6

Hello, Space Monkees!!!!

Welcome to part six of the possibly endless playing log of "Dissidia Final Fantasy". So far we've had a few laughs, quite a bit of tears, and if I must admit, more enjoyment out of this title than I expected. But merely beating my incredibly low expectations cannot be enough for a final judgment, oh no. The show must go on! Enter "Final Fantasy VI".

In the past, I may have badmouthed "Final Fantasy VI" quite a bit, but that's what I do really. When you're writing a walkthrough on Wiki, basically the only thing to keep your brain from leaping out through your eye sockets is to entertain yourself by criticizing every little detail of the game. Also, its just a lot of fun to argue with people over whether FFVI or FFVII is better (the answer is obvious - VII, and everybody who thinks otherwise is filthy and wrong). What we have here is an excellent game, the second-best RPG you'll find if you're deathly afraid of 3D graphics and all innovation in human society since about 1995. I overuse the world "classic" in these tales, but that's only because there are just so many things to call classic in this wonderful world of fiction, and FFVI definitely is a classic.

Its just too bad they didn't make it in 3D... or with voice acting. Impossible back then, but certainly possible now! However, Square Enix, if you get the idea to remake FFVI, be sure to do so after that FFVII remake I've been waiting for since the PS3 launched. Thanks, you're a peach, Square.

So here we are, finally Dissidia needs to handle something with care, because if they mess this up, I'm actually going to get mad this time. You see, before I really couldn't care less what say, Cecil did or didn't do. I was actually pleasantly surprised about how well Onion Knight turned out to be. But this time, you might be in for some serious FANBOY RAGE!! Remember all that bitching I did about Terra's hair color? Yeah, it can be pretty ridiculous at times.

Terra Branford is weirdly enough the only female protagonist in this entire series - so far. The as yet unreleased in English "Final Fantasy XIII" has Lightning, but she's not in this game, so I don't know why I even brought her up. All its going to do is annoy me that she's not here. Anyway, being the only girl, for some reason Dissidia makes her out at first to be a character that is in desperate need of being protected. A kid, Onion Knight, purely thanks to his ownership of a penis, comes into the idea that he must guard her from all the evils of this game. And he fails pretty quickly because it just wouldn't be any fun to play as Terra if her allies did all the fighting for her. Here Terra is very wispy and unsure of herself, which is exactly how she acted in FFVI, to my annoyance at times. But at the very least some actually events occur in this chapter. She get's mind controlled, then snaps out of it by kicking Cloud Strife's buttocks. And you get to play as her while she's very briefly working for evil! Yay! Finally some nice moral grey area.

Of course, my happy feelings are ruined by what has to be the single worst dialogue scene in pretty much anything when Cloud and Terra discuss... (sigh) dreams. Yeah, we're back to Firion's ridiculous fantasy about filling the world with roses. Except Terra wants to put in other flowers. Is this what this game is really about? The epic struggle between light and dark is all a dispute over gardening? Hey, Terra, if you want some flowers, I can get you some flowers. Its a simple walk maybe three blocks, BAM, you're at a flower store. What do you want? Poinsettias? Lilies? Orchids? I can get them for you like that. Give me a few hours and you'll have a very nice little grove. This is not a life's ambition here, nor a reason to save the world.

Plus, Terra's big lesson to learn is that you need a "dream" to live a full life. Of course, Kefka has a dream. He says it every few seconds - he wants to destroy everything. He has his shit figured out. Merely having an ambition is not a good thing on its own. Who was the moron who wrote this storyline? Is this really what Final Fantasy was all about this whole time? Perhaps it was all a waste of time on my part.

.......yeah, that may be going a tad bit too far. Let's change the subject.

GAMEPLAY! Terra is something of a beast when it comes to gameplay. Her HP attacks are very difficult to dodge, and have excellent range. Tornado will hit anybody anywhere near Terra, and if you can get them stuck in a corner you can just repeat this move over and over again until they stop twitching. And Flood hits any character at any distance, no matter how far away you are from Terra. Unless you jump away, you're going to get hit by it. Her magic is just nothing to be trifled with, as Terra is a monster at a distance. Her main Brave attack is this Blizzard bullet, like Firion's, only hers can deal real damage. However, Terra's only physical combo is a complete waste, absolutely awful. With this combination, beating her chapter is a breeze - and its supposedly just as hard as Destiny Odyssey I!

I think I still like Onion Knight better. Then again, I can't really judge any of these characters since I still haven't unlocked even half of their moves.

Well, floral adventures aside, I'm actually very excited about the next couple of chapters. Next up is my favorite game out of the ten, FFVII! Its only by default since "Final Fantasy XII" isn't around in full, but that will do. And even better, the game gave me a preview of what looked like a battle between Squall and Warrior of Light! Could it be a real plot development to something more interesting? I sure hope so! Dissidia could pull out a win in the end anyway!