SoulSilver Log Part 5

And so Blue proved herself to be the greatest trainer in all of Johto, defeated the evil Team Rocket, and captured the legendary Pokemon Lugia.  For most computer-controlled trainers, this would make up a fantastic career beyond their wildest dreams (because most of them cannot even walk - they only stand).  But our Blue is not most players, obviously.  She was going to be the very best that no one ever was.  Spurned on by the mysterious Great Power, Blue traveled to Kanto, the placed the Great Power called "the first game", to vanquish another set of eight mighty Gym Leaders.

However, first Blue's team needed some shaking up:  gone were Ampharos, Meganium, and Ninetales, to be replaced by Raichu, Flygon, and Arcanine.  Blue proved to be magnificently cold when it came to abandoning Pokemon she had carried with her for many trials and tribulations.  Unfortunately, the others just weren't strong enough, new power was needed in the dangerous land of Kanto.  Grass Pokemon suck, Ninetales was too weak, and Ampharos couldn't learn the powerful move Volt Tackle like Raichu could.  Sympathy for weak Pokemon cannot be allowed - no matter how cute the ones about to be boxed forever might be.  This is Pokemon!  Its a cruel, cruel world.

However, despite the many shake-ups on Blue's team, her unlimited talent was more than enough to cover for any momentary weakness.

For all the supposed strength of the eight Kanto Gym Leaders, the first five fell in rapid succession.  Who made these various fools Gym Leaders in the first place?  They're only barely more competent than the regular trainers - at least Gym Leaders can formulate some knowledge of type advantage and status effects.  Its still pathetic.  Regular trainers were such absolute drooling morons that their attempts at Pokemon battling left Blue feeling rather sad and hollow for beating them.  And as for wild Pokemon:  they are so dumb that they literally pick a move at random.

Blue began to wonder if she were the only person in this entire world who even had a working brain.  It was a difficult question to answer, considering her complete lack of any real relationships.  Even Mom only really existed as a bank which occasionally bought weird her weird nonsense like berries and dolls.  Basically, Blue was alone in this world.  It was just her and her easily interchangeable Pokemon.  The Great Power was unable to give a satisfactory answer to these concerns, instead telling Blue to focus on her journey.  It was hardly a friend, all it wanted from her was to keep on going and fight.  Feeling tears well up behind her eyes, Blue felt that these thoughts were only going to make her sad.  So Blue decided to put these worries aside for now and keep on going for being the very best that no one ever w-

-Oh sorry, Blue is getting a call from Erin:  "Hey, Blue!  We just battled and beat a GEODUDE!  I raised my Pokemon properly!"  Blue now began to regret giving her phone number out so freely.

Kanto, however, is a very strangely designed land.  Conquering the eastern portions was easy enough - but it Blue felt almost like some kind of divine creator was trying to keep her out of the west.  Going from Cerulean was impossible thanks to a series of two-foot tall bluffs which Blue could not carry.  Flygon couldn't just fly her over to the western towns for no reason that had ever been adequately explained.  Milotic couldn't surf around to Pallet Town because the police locked down the only beach in all of Kanto.  And even Diglett's Tunnel was blocked by a giant sleeping Pokemon.  It was only after a fairly ridiculous fetch quest that brought Kanto's one power to the entire world that Blue was able to find a radio station that woke up the Pokemon (which she caught) and allowed her to get to Pewter City.

Unfortunately upon getting across, Blue had to walk all the back because there was a tiny tree in the way and none of Blue's current Pokemon knew Cut.  How annoying.

So instead of all that, Blue went back to Johto and decided to play the Safari Game for a bit.  The owner gave her a few moronic instructions:  catch a Geodude, and catch a Sandshrew.  Despite this challenge being very simple and incredibly easy, the owner was very impressed with Blue's skills.  In fact, he was so impressed that he made Blue the new owner.  ...Only she still had to pay admission, and never saw any of the profits.  What kind of ownership is this?  Blue decided that this was a load of nonsense, and so she sold the land to a group of very ambitious Swedish developers who built some condos on the site.*

After that disappointment, Blue went back on her journey.   Easy enough. Boom!  Brock is beaten.  Who is next?  Blaine?  His gym was destroyed in an volcano eruption?  Who cares?  Boom!  He's beaten!

But then came Blue's most interesting challenge yet.  The final Gym Leader, Bl-

-Wait.  Another call, this time from Torin:  "Blue, good moring! It’s Torin, are you sleeping in? Recently, I was trying to catch a HOPPIP, but it ran away! So disappointing! And so I don’t forget how disappointing it was, I’m writing down the name of the Pokemon that got away on my notebook. There’re Pokemon names all over my notebook!"

These people are very strange.

So, as we were saying, Blue had to fight the Final Gym Leader, whose name happened to also be Blue.  What two trainers with the same name!?  A controversy!  Who let this hap-

-Oh great!  Another call.  Let's so who it is this time.  Its Jamie:  "Hello, Blue! Oh, have you seen a PONYTA before? I just battled one… It was much faster than I expected. I was a little shocked. I still won, of course. Bye-bye!"

ARRRGG!!!

Okay. Maybe this time we can finish this paragraph. There's another Blue in the world and he is the leader of the Viridian City Gym.  It used to be Giovanni of the Rockets, but a ten-year-old beat him and the kingpin ran off crying.  So now Blue was the Gym Leader.  Its Blue♀ vs. Blue♂, the epic battle of the same color!  Blue♂ put up a good fight with a well-balanced team.  But unfortunately he was just a former rival character, he could not hope to live up to Blue♀, who was the main character.  It never was a fair fight from the beginning.

But now that Blue♀ had all sixteen badges, she still felt vaguely unsatisfied.  No matter how cute her Pokemon might be, they definitely did not live up to real human company (of which there was none beyond the stupid phone calls).  Maybe this other Blue could be what Blue♀ was looking for?  Sadly it was not to be, because after losing, all Blue♂ seemed to be traumatized.  All he could do was endlessly repeat "All right, I was wrong.  You're the real deal.  You are a good trainer.  But I'm going to beat you someday.  Don't you forget it!"  All conversations were impossible with this mindless person.  Though Blue♀ might have found another with her name, she still was very much alone in this tiny, empty, cold world.

Blue asked the Great Power for some advise as for what to do next, but the Power was busy getting drunk off of alcoholic watermelon in its dimension.  Every so often Blue got this feeling like her world had been paused.  Like she was in some sort of giant machine that the Greater Gods could simply close up, making the universe stop for them while they did something else.  Blue decided to take this time to go look for some answers.  To find a way out of this maze.  To find her way to the real wor-

-Another phone call!  Its Joey:  "Hey, Blue!  Its Joey!  You know my Rattata?  Well he's different than other Rattatas.  It's like my Rattata is in the top percentage of Rattatas.  Just wanted to tell you that.  Bye!"

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* The game doesn't actually let you do that.  Just in case you're wondering what button lets you talk with Swedish developers.