Friday, September 9, 2011

Bleach Recaps: Ep. 220, Hot Puppy on Wailord Action

I'm Blue Highwind.  I do not have the ability to see Spirits, I am not an ordinary high school student, and I do not have orange hair.  One day I started a long-running series of recaps of the anime series "Bleach", mostly because the current season, the Amagai Arc, was so indefinably awful in every sense of the word that something needed to be done about it.  Since then I have recapped very nearly a year's worth of episodes.  I've seen things that would make most men change the channel, yet I have pressed on.  For what ultimate goal?  I have no idea anymore.  I could say that there is a hot chick who needs saving from an evil dude, and somehow all this typing and image-capturing somehow would rescue her right into my twin-sized bed.  But that would be lie.  Instead, I keep on fighting, not to protect the World of the Living, but for the name of fuck.  An all-out war was not about to begin.

Why the heck was the deal with Ichigo's random recap of the entire show at the start of thing?  Its not like there isn't enough recaps in this show already.  I do one, the Narrator does one, its complete insanity!  What, did the producers realize that Ichigo, the supposed hero of "Bleach" had been missing for nearly a month now?  They sure didn't have a problem during the Turn Back the Pendulum Arc.  I have no idea what to make of it.

Anyway, that's how "Bleach" 220 started, and honestly, it didn't really get much further than that.  Some episodes take off and crash, this is one that crashed into the side of the hanger while still on the ground.  Last week's episode was a true feast for your eyes.  This one was... a "Bleach" episode.  It was so unimpressive that I found no less than five days' worth of stuff to do before I even wrote the first word of this recap.  Ouch.

So as the good Narrator reminds us, last week Mr. 69 killed that one Arrancar guy I thought was cool.  But off-camera, Cueball was defeated by Chief, who took down one of the four Barrier Towers that is keeping Karakura Town from being destroyed.  So that means that already Aizen's forces have achieved one quarter of their goal, and with massive casualties.  Yup, ol' Aizen has got this one in the bag.  Its like there's too much genius to be contained on one battlefield!

Anyway, Pretty Boy is upset to see his dear Cueball fall in battle.  I think they're married, so you know he's going to be upset when his beloved gets hurt.  Well, Mr. 69 aint letting Yumichika anywhere near Chief.  Then Pretty Boy is taken out by a Magic Spitball:

"Eww, gross.  A spitball, really?  Oh, real mature guys."

Losing a pillar causes a dimensional break, meaning that the Real Karakura Town seeps in.  I didn't know it worked like that, but hey, I'm game.  Luckily the Soul Reapers are able to plug this hole up relatively quickly.  I guess.

Turns out that Cueball isn't dead, he's only be wrecked throughly.  Even with several dozen bones broken in his body, Cueball still wants to fight.  For some reason that's probably tied to massive stupidity, Cueball won't turn Bankai.  So he gets smashed to pulp.  "Wait, don't I get to decide when I die?" asks Cueball.  Well, no, you don't, not when you're going to act like an idiot!  Children, let this be a lesson for you, if you're an idiot, you fail at life.  But there is a cure for stupidity, having friends with big fists:

This might have hurt, just a theory.

I guess now is as good a time as ever to mention how the combat this week just isn't as good as it was last week.  There's very little speed, not all that much fluidity, and the cinematographer seems to have fallen asleep at the wheel.  Last week we had quick cuts, creative camera angles, and real feeling of kinetic ass-kicking.  This week we have... none of that.  And its only going to get slower.

Captain Furry and his lieutenant, Tetsuziamon come to save the day.  Because Chief was the only one of Barragon's Fracciones to actually complete his mission, the Soul Soceity has to bring out the big guns to finish him off.  Now Barragon could go and support his soldier at this point, but instead he'll spend the entire episode doing nothing.  This ultimately means that this episode is actually a battle between this oversized puppy and his oversized Indian:

Have I ever pointed out that "Bleach" is a weird show?

More punches are exchanged.  You know the drill.  Lots of talking.  You know that drill too.  Finally Chief decides to unleash his super form.  I suspect that Japanese manga authors are completely incapable of designing action scenes without endless transformations and power level changes.  But first thing is first:  TINY SWORD, LOL!

I guess Chief isn't big everywhere.

Now, if you think that's funny, wait until you see his Resurrecion.  Just wait.  This is good:

What actually results when Skitty breeds with Wailord.

Flattop says it best:  "what the Hell is that thing??"  I can't decide if Chief has become a rooster or a whale.  Seriously, Tite Kubo, where do you get your drugs?  Because after watching your show, I definitely need to try some.  Who knows what I'll come up!  A villainous fusion of a comb and a cow.  Or maybe a full-on tyrannous bus.  I know, I got it!  Nazi assplugs.  Nobody would dare stand up to the paragon of fear that is Nazi Assplugs.

Now in "Bleach" size doesn't matter, supposedly.  However, when faced with an opponent who rightfully belongs in a lame 70s Godzilla movie, there's only Captain who can match this scale.  And guess what?  Its Captain Puppy.  Because if you remember back roughly a million years ago, Captain Puppy fought Kenny alongside Tousen.  Now the Puppy-Kenny fight never quite happened (but Kenny did take Tousen out to the dumpster like yesterday's trast), but we did get to learn that Beggin' Strips can summon a giant Samurai Gundam to fight for him.

This post needed a picture without that boring blue sky.

What now takes place is pretty much a Godzilla fight.  Now, I love Godzilla movies, they're always a lot of fun, and clearly this show has a wacky enough plot to be a Toho film.  If two twin five-inch tall Japanese girls appear this Saturday, I don't think I'd be all that shocked.  And really, its hard to be shocked after Charlotte.  In terms of giant monster fights, I'd give it a 3.4 out of 10.  The Russian judge was kinder, with a 5.0, but who is going to trust the word of a Commie?  Maybe you could count this as a mediocre "Big O" fight, but without the classic lines of "BIG O, SHOWTIME!" its just worthless.

If you desperately love scenes of giant slow lumbering things smashing their oversized fists into each other, I guess this is the episode for you.  But sadly, all good things must come to an end, because Woof-Woof's Gundam finally punches right through Jumbo Chief's giant gullet, and the battle ends.  So now, Aizen has lost four warriors, compared to the Soul Society's... none.  Cueball lives to be chewed out by Flattop about how he's a drooling STUPID, and the Soul Reapers are actually feeling good enough to take part in a profoundly unfunny scene where Rangiku finds out she can't go shopping.

"NOO!  And Rangiku had so many bags to buy!"

Sorry, Chief, its true.  Rangiku can't buy bags this month.

Meanwhile, Barragan discovers that all four of his Fracciones have died in pathetic painful ways.  I guess next episode he's going to have to actually do something?  Maybe this ultimate battle of ultimate destiny can move a bit faster?  Just maybe?  Can I dream?

Here's to next week.


  1. Yeah.... if you are actually looking for hardcore, fastpaced action scenes... you got awhile. scratch that, AWHILE, in caps. We still got three more little girls, a massive super monster, 3 espada in 2 forms each, tousen, gin, and Go- I mean Aizen, which will likely take a year alone. Then this arc of the show ends...

  2. God that sounds like a long time. That revolver in my cabnit is strting to look real interesting now...


  3. @Uzuki: Instead of shooting yourself, you could, y'know, stop watching this stupid show.

  4. @Nicholas: I know I was just screwing around(Which IS something I shoudn't do). Maybe if I wasn't such a douche I would read the manga or the original show instead of waiting for the dub to come out every week. Frankly the only reason I'm still watching the show is to see what happens at the end.

    -The 1 & only Uzuki

  5. I'm sure that whatever the ending is, it will be stupid and not worth the trouble.

  6. Also: Blue, watch Noein. Do it and I'll stop bugging you.

  7. I will post this again, but they are making a Angel Beats season 2 this fall.

  8. @Anon: I see no evidence of that claim anywhere.

  9. Blue- It was meant to be this summer/spring, but for reasons it was canceled, but it was made, and it might come out eventually, nerds say this fall.

  10. @Nick - The "ending" isn't the ending... its the beginning of a whole new plot