Drive Angry Shot in 3D

"Drive Angry Shot in 3D" uses the words "badass motherfucker" in its first sentence.  That's really all you need to know if you're wondering what kind of movie this is going to be.  Come on, tell me what genre "Drive Angry" belongs to?  I can answer it right now, the AWESOME genre!  This is a movie about badass motherfuckers, for badass motherfuckers.

Naturally of course, both of the movie theatres I went to see "Drive Angry" in were completely empty.  "Both" is a word you should note.  No, I didn't see "Drive Angry" twice, though I totally would if given the chance.  What happened was perhaps the single most tragic series of events I have ever experienced in my filmgoing lifetime.  So yesterday I go to the local, somewhat crappy movie theatre to see "Drive Angry", alone of course*.  The movie is twenty minutes late, something I didn't mind so much since it gave me some more quality time with "Tactics Ogre".  But finally I had to complain to the clueless-looking fat kid behind the concessions counter.  Then finally the credits start.  After seeing underwhelming trailers for "Pirates of the Caribbean 4:  Monotonous Isn't It?" and "Marvel Superhero Movie #567", "Drive Angry" begins.  Everything is awesome right until thirty seconds pass, and the movie goes blank.  So then I complain again to the clueless looking fat kid, before finally a clueless looking nerd walks in, apologizes to me and the redneck, then gives me a couple free passes to see any movie ever.  Then after sneaking into the last thirty minutes of "The Adjustment Bureau"**, I went to a different threatre for my awesome car movie.

And was it worth it?  HELL YEAH.

Japan Disaster

I think we all know what's happened in Japan last night, and the sheer toll of devastation is still reeling in from news reports all around the globe.  Every media outlet is frantically pouring out info for the horrified world populace.  Today I had planned a review of "Drive Angry in 3D", but it seemed that simply posting a review without mentioning this nightmare was some kind of insult.  When you see levels of devastation so awful that they might be excepts of a "Godzilla" movie every moment on CNN, ignoring the situation is a crime in of itself.  Japan is the country that gives me practically half my subjects of discussion here at Planet Blue ("Bleach" alone accounts for like a quarter of my posts, I think), so you know my heart goes out to them.  And I do pray that the situation does not get any worse, those nuclear reports are getting nasty.

For the last few weeks I've been ignoring world issues as to deal with my own problems, but I feel that I should finally get back into the game.  I missed Wisconsin, I missed Egypt, I'm missing Libya right now, but I won't miss Japan.

Pray, hope, donate, volunteer, call loved ones, send aid.  God bless, good luck.

Tactics Ogre: Let Us Cling Together

I think at this point I just have to give up and admit to myself that my favorite video game genre is RPGs.  I won't call myself an "RPG Gamer" because using the title "gamer" to describe yourself forces you into a bizarre subculture of pompous twits who focus their entire lives, income, creative powers, and intellectual ability on video games.  Then if you're a "gamer" you're forced by law to complain about how violent video games have no effect on us in any way, which then forces you to defend serial killer-in-training games like "RapeLay", complain endlessly about how Jack Thompson is the devil, and compulsively collect Xbox Live Achievements while not bathing or dating women (or men).  So to save myself all that, I'll just say that "I like video games, and particularly RPGs".  There.

And clearly not being obsessed with video games, I'll just review "Tactics Ogre:  Let Us Cling Together" now.

A few years ago, I played "Final Fantasy Tactics", probably the best* game out of the entire Final Fantasy franchise.  "FFT", as I'll abbreviate it now out of laziness, was a dark game set in a fantasy medieval kingdom in the midst of a civil war - basically a History Major's wet dream.  In this game, rather than a basic story where a group of plucky teenagers save the world and the damsel in distress (your sister), you are an outcast where just being heroic in a world full of so much backstabbing and betrayal is enough to make you every faction's enemy.  Then... the plucky teenagers save the world, of course, but even then things don't end very well.  "Tactics Ogre" for the PSP is the game that inspired "FFT", meaning that is probably the one game I am most excited for in all of 2011.  So I bought it immediately, dreaming to recreate that "FFT" experience.

Bleach Recaps: Ep. 194, Nelliel's Past

Apologies for not writing a recap last week, I wasn't feeling up to it.  Usually that would be a pretty lame excuse, but under the circumstances I feel I have the right to tell anybody with a problem to respectfully fuck off.  Also Episode 193 was a Granz episode, meaning that it was absolutely unbearably awful from beginning to end.  I can recap it right now:  "Granz made plush toys, then acted really fruity.  Please die, Granz.   THE END."  You happy?

Anyway, tonight's episode is at least partially a flashback to Nel's days as an Espada.  There we get to learn that Spoony once upon a time had a more sane fashion sense, Dondomoron and Pesche weren't always incredibly annoying, and that Granz is a total dick.  Wait, we already knew that last one.  Oh whatever, I feel its an important life lesson worth repeating several times.  More importantly we learn how Nel was defeated in the past.  And the explanation... doesn't suck.  In fact, this episode is really good, and even does the impossible by making Dondomoron and Pesche look like half-way decent characters for a moment.  Along the way, we also learn why Spoony is so evil.  Well done, "Bleach", well done.  Finally you learn that using characters as mere joke factories is not good storytelling.

Of course, I think the real purpose of Episode 194 is to show that Nel, unlike most of her comrades, makes the Arancar thing look good.  Oh yeah...

Rango

"Rango" caught me eye for a number of reasons, not the least of all being the fish in the chameleon's arms in that poster to my right.  For one, it was animated by Industrial Light and Magic, the special effect kung-fu masters who created "Star Wars", and have never before made an animated film before.  ILM's impressive digital fists have created arguably the most graphically impressive cartoon ever in cinematic history.  Then there's the poster.  Notice the main actor?  The Hawaiian T-shirt?  The mismatched eyes and the twisted neck?  This is the poster to "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"!!  What kind of kid's movie would dare make a thematic reference to the most legendarily insane drug movie of all time?  There are few better ways for a creator to give me the "I'm one of you" wink then referencing "Fear and Loathing".  Epic.  Then of course, its a Western, and Westerns these days never fail to entertain.

As a movie, "Rango" has next-to-nothing to do with "Fear and Loathing", which is probably a good thing.  I doubt kids would put up with a trippy nearly-plotless film about a chameleon and his Samoan lawyer bumming around the old west trying every single narcotic known to man.  Instead the actual plot is a frothy mixture of "Chinatown", "Flushed Away", with a tiny bit of the "Man With No Name Trilogy" mixed in for extra flavor.  Obviously this movie is best enjoyed if you've actually seen "Chinatown" and "A Fistful of Dollars", which is something I rather doubt most kids actually have done.  If you are a seven-year-old who knows that Clint Eastwood's pony does not like to be laughed at then you get a high-five from me, but otherwise this movie is probably going to go over your head.  "Rango" is an odd kind of movie, that's clear.

But sadly I can't really say that "Rango" is an amazing piece of work.  Its no "Fantastic Mr. Fox" despite its dreams for trippy originality.  Its just a bit less sentimental and clever than it thinks it is.  Its funny, its beautiful, its worth seeing, but its not a masterpiece.  And I was hoping that "Rango" could be something so much more.  Instead its just Friday-night entertainment, little else.