Hilde de Hilde

We've created a lot of superpowers throughout the years:  flight, super-speed, mind control, whatever.  You name it, they've thought of it.  What hope is there for new magical characters if people cannot invent a new power for them?  If you make Laser Dude and his power is to shoot lasers out of his eyes, all he'll be is a Superman but with only one power.  No amount of "edginess" will make Laser Dude anything more than Superman on the cheap.  And it doesn't matter how many belts he has or how tall his collar is, he won't ever be cool or original.  But I think I have something here that nobody else has thought of yet.  This story is written as a history, though I can assure you nothing here ever took place, none of the people mentioned have ever lived, the places no do not exist, and Armando Sargasso is just as invented as anybody else.

The Following is a Selection from Armando Sargasso's famous historical work "The Legend of Hilde de Hilde, Queen of Heaven", a famous work in the Reina Hilde, and favorite of schoolchildren of all ages:

This is the story of a girl who needs no introduction, the Queen of Heaven, Hilde who as we all know was born on Earth in a town named De Hilde.  Before her birth, the town had a different name, but it was promptly changed upon the advent of its most famous child.  Nobody remembers the previous name, or even really anything else about De Hilde, only that it was the place were Hilde born.  Hilde's parents were named Madre de Hilde* and Padre de Hilde.  They used to have more usual names for the time period but they changed them when their daughter was born.  Padre de Hilde explained his and his wife's decision some years later:  "well, as far as we could see it, me and Madre de Hilde had lives that were pretty boring before Hilde came along... actually I don't quite remember what life was like before my daughter came.  It couldn't have been important, since Hilde wasn't around.  We definitely won't change our names back... we'd hate to offend her further."  A similar sentiment can be found amongst the de Hilde's families neighbors and indeed is in fact universal throughout this kingdom of my birth, which as we all know is called "Reina Hilde".  This of course means that Hilde's full name is the nonsensical "Hilde de Hilde" - though many praise the name thanks to its lyrical qualities.

The Reina Hilde, as its name would suggest, has enraptured its entire identity into the figure of Hilde.  The entire area is decked around with blue ribbons, as that was thought to be the ornamental that decorated Hilde's lovely chestnut hair at the time.  Several Hilde scholars have suggested that her ribbon may actually have been pink or yellow, but as with most histories the locals prefer the story the way their mothers and nurses told it.  In the center of every town is a large golden plaque dedicated to Hilde.  Every April third, the towns of the kingdom celebrate her birthday with a massive cultural ceremony, which has become world famous in their joyfulness and intensity.  Local girls are very willing to a man's advances around late summer, out of hope that the may bare children on this date or reasonably near it.  The royalty claims descent from Hilde, and all justice is dedicated in her name.  Even this history itself is dedicated to my dear patroness Hilde, and my love for her will flow through even in my scholarships attempts to write the story fairly.  But beyond even my own devotion, our young king has dedicated his reign to building a sixty-foot colossus in her honor, which has gotten popular support despite the massive tax increase that it accompanies.

Of course, you all probably know this already.  And you probably already have more than a cursory knowledge of the story to come. It is a most beloved story, nearly as beloved as its main character.  Nobody can help their love for Hilde, it is something far beyond both faith and reason.  It is something akin to magic, this author believes.

Hilde de Hilde grew up in a world most likely unimaginable to the rest of us.  To her, having kings both mighty and proud weep before her and beg forgiveness before taking their own lives was not an unimaginable occurrences, it happened with on her third and again with that king's successor on her eighth birthday.  All around her the old world's terminology and language were being massively remodeled in her honor.  She had a difficult time learning how to speak, as every word she uttered either old or new became the vogue for the entire region and later continent.  For example, few people know that the animal Hilde named "cow" was in fact previously called "cococow" before she mispronounced it.  Much like those primordial humans who first learned how to speak, Hilde's language was entirely of her own invention.  Just by preferring dogs to squirrels she caused long tradition of domesticated animals to be revolutionized.  Thousands of squirrels were thrown out of their master's homes to take up residence in trees, looking enviously at the once wild dog who now lived in the pens that used to be their own.  It was a unique childhood, if indeed she not divine as some believe.  Not to mention the fact that her life story involves gods and goddesses, which happens to be something the modern world is truly lacking in.

But let me go back a bit further to the very beginning of the story, Hilde's birth:  She was born according to all accounts to perfectly average people in a perfectly average town, all of which were about to be decidedly not average in just a manner of moments.  Her parents had some land, a lovely house given from the mother's bastard uncle, and they had a donkey.  The de Hildes scarcely could have asked for more, but more did they get.  At the moment of the birth, the midwife is said to have gone insane from ecstasy and tore her own eyes out with a knife so that her eyes could never look upon a sight less beautiful than the newborn Hilde.  This author does not doubt that many of us modern people would do the same if Hilde were ever to return to Earth again.  The baby was quickly the talk of the entire town, and not much later the nation.  Word spread quickly as amazed pilgrims traveled to De Hilde to look upon the baby.

What is not known, however, is exactly why so many people went mad upon seeing young Hilde.  This author knows that merely questioning the importance of Hilde is going to be an offensive subject to many of my readers, but this author feels this subject much be brought up if we are to tell the story properly.  She had no special powers of any kind, and was just a normal child who cried, laugh occasionally, and needed constant attention as many of you young parents must be all too familiar with.  When she caught a small cold at three months, the entire town and local region went into frightened panic, refusing to do anything but stand outside the de Hilde family house waiting nervously for news.  Some went as far as the king's mighty castle looking for healing magicians or doctors to save the beloved child.  Though the illness did pass, it shows that she was clearly as frail as the average babe, incapable of healing herself, let alone the various invalids who had already traveled to her looking for a cure.  As mentioned before, she couldn't talk fully until late in life, six to be exact.  In fact, her only real ability was stunning beauty and an inexplicable ability to make everybody around her fall in love.  There are several apocryphal stories of men sending proposals of marriage to young Hilde even when she was as young as three.  The stories never end well for the would-be suitors.

Despite having the love of every living person around her, this author must conclude that Hilde had an unhappy childhood.  Few around her actually noticed her melacholy, as her parents were far too satisfied with merely living under the same roof as the national treasure.  They loved the constant stream of presents and visits from important dignitaries (including the infamous visits of the suicidal kings).  Beyond all they had complete governmental over the object of so much desire though they were probably incapable of disciplining Hilde, as no mortal could ever refuse the object of their greatest desire.  Hilde herself was completely alone.  Conversations were absolutely impossible as all the others were unwilling to ever disagree with her or even try to disagree.  Of this the record is quite clear.  Dozens of humorous stories tell the tale of Hilde trying to get her parents to hit her through such acts of mischief such as burning down the family barn.  Instead of resistance she only receive more kisses and started an unfortunate popular tradition of random barn burning that persisted for several centuries.

The other children were always willing to play, but they often fought with each other over who would get to play more with their idol.  Losing was impossible, naturally, as competitions were always slanted in her favor.  Hilda was not exceptionally physically skilled at anything in particular, though she could run reasonably well.  Because of this our kingdom has grown a crop of the best runners in the entire world, hoping to follow in Hilde's footsteps, though her skill at running has certainly been greatly exaggerated in folklore.  All Hilda wanted was just one other person in the world to see her as a regular person.  When you are a young child, constant satisfaction is pure bliss, but after ten years of sycophantic wooing, Hilde began to scheme a way out.

The stories say that one night she sneaked out of her house when nobody was looking and attempted to disguise herself as a different little girl.  She moved to a neighboring village, hid her hair in a veil, covered her white skin with soot, and called herself "Brunhilda".  However, her power was just as strong here as anywhere else, despite the attempts at concealing her beauty.  The people were instantly in love with this stranger, and several men threw themselves at her feet begging for her love.  "Brunhilda" ran away home, realizing her scheme had failed.  The next day Reina Hilda was ablaze with rumors that a second Hilde had come, and legends of Hilde interacting with Brunhilda, despite the wide knowledge that they were one in the same persist to this day.  Some say that Hilde and Brunhilde had beauty competitions, some say that Hilde gave Brunhilde her great beauty secret, and others say that Brunhilde was actually a trick by an evil spirit of some kind that Hilde promptly defeated.  In De Hilde, today it is customary for girls at the age of ten to dress up in veils as a rite of passage, imitating the legend.

At twelve, Hilde could barely contain her depression.  Court reports from the time state that she spent her nights weeping in bed broke out, and a national uproar ensued.  Padre and Madre de Hilde were arrested, suspected of beating their illustrious daughter.  Hilde herself was brought into the castle of a glorious lord and lady, who the people hoped would house her better than her cruel parents.  The de Hildes were eventually exonerated, but they would live the rest of their lives in shame and penitence, believing to have wronged their daughter in some way.  Ironically for our national love of Hilde, the "de Hilde" family has never quite recovered their reputation, and are often refused rites of marriage and are unfairly treated in law suits.  Hilde did not stay long in the house of the lord and lady, as the place was hardly as safe as the kingdom had hoped.  The lord, previously respected as a man of great honor and impeccable reputation went mad upon having the angelic form of Hilde in his home.  Believing that she was to marry him, he murdered his wife of thirty years and attempted to steal Hilde's hand in matrimony.  The king personally led the attack upon the lord's castle.  Though many died in the fighting, including the king himself, Hilde was rescued, bringing great relief to Reina Hilde.

Hilde, however, got no relief at all.  Already of delicate mind, the misfortunes surrounding her life only hurt her disposition further.  While in the home of the new king, she locked herself away in a high tower, refusing visits from both noble and common.  Many young noble girls today customarily spend several years of their youth in towers, imitating this part of the legend.

Yet few could have predicted just how powerful Hilde's powers truly were, as the story takes yet another turn for the worse.  Hilde managed to bewitch not just commoner, not just noble, not just prince, but also divine.  The great god of the sky, Jujutero, perhaps because Hilde spent so much time so high in the heavens, found himself infatuated with her.  Jujutero left his court in the sky to go down to Earth to snatch the object of his affection, something no god had done for thousands of years.  A great storm hit the castle and Hilde's tower was smashed down by Jujutero's mighty sword, Thunderclap.  Many feared for Hilde's death for several years before her return.  The fear was so great that few noticed that the fourth king of Hilde's life had been crushed in Jujutero's attack, or the subsequent dynastic crisis.

This author feels that he should note that many scholars find offense with this particular part of the story, since a historical narrative is inexorably twisted with magic and myth.  Very little of the events can actually be ascertained through record, as most of it we know only through Hilde's own word and the second-hand recordings of those around her. The ruins of Hilde's tower still stand outside the old capital of our kingdom, as this author is sure most of you know, it being a famous pilgrimage spot.  You will find many of these scholars particularly dislike the concept of their being any god other than Hilde herself, and their words are not to be trusted.  Even so, it is at this point that historical evidence leaves us, and we must rely only upon the myth to know the story.

Jujutero carried Hilde up into the heavens to his castle in the sky.  According to legend, the castle is in fact built right unto the firmament of the heavens, and so is inverted in the perspective of one living on the ground.  To us it would appear an upsidedown island fortress built right into the great ocean that is the sky.  Jujutero and the gods were born in the heaven, and so do not fall as terrestrial objects do.  This was a problem for Hilde, being terrestrial, so she could not stay on the inverted floors of Jujutero's castle.  Instead she naturally fell down, and had to live on the ceiling.  This was little problem for Jujutero, who commanded his servants to build a bed on the ceiling for his lovely new bride.  Hilde found that her powers of making all around her love her was far more limited here amongst the gods.  Jujutero loved her enough to kidnap her, but did not yield to Hilde's command to return her home to Earth.  Some scholars have wondered why Hilde fell in love with her kidnapper, but this author feels that he has the answer.  At the moment of being refused anything, Hilde most likely fell in love with her husband, who was about as close to equal as she could hope for.  She may not have been naturally submissive, but in order for us to have a full life we must reach some kind of confrontation with our loved ones.  Not long later, the stories say she was with child.

But as we who have studied the elder religions know, Jujutero already had a wife, Herahera, goddess of the earth.  And he had a son as well, Aplolollo, god of the sea.  The legends explain why these two figures would be the source of so much crisis in Hilde's life.  Aplollo feared that Hilde would bear Jujutero a son who his father would love more, and Herahera was furious as she often is in these legends where her husband chooses another lover over her.  The two great divinities came together and plotted to betray Hilde's trust.  Herahera invited Hilde outside to bathe in the heavenly ocean.  Hilde refused, fearing rightfully that should fall right down to Earth if she were to step off the ceiling of Jujutero's castle.  Apolollo, noting Hilde's fears, ordered her to come along, being largely immune to her charms like his mother.  Again this fits into my previous theory, as Hilde was probably overjoyed at the sight of resistance, and immediately went with her rival wife and step-son, as long as Apolollo promised to catch her as she stepped outside.  Unfortunately Apolollo was lying, and Hilde suddenly fell straight down to her natural firmament, and landed in a tree not far from her birthtown of De Hilde.

That tree, like most elements of this story, has become sacred.  Its fruit is reserved only for the crownings of the royal family.

For a time Hilde was miserable and in turn the entire kingdom was just as unhappy, despite their joy of seeing their loved one alive and well.  Heaven had banished Hilde, and Earth was too willing to accept her.  All she wanted was to return to her husband Jujutero and give him the son she was baring in her womb.  She wept bitterly for three days, before getting a brilliant idea.  In a scene very often repeated in the annuls of our kingdom's theatre drama, Hilde walked out into the streets of De Hilde and commanded the people:  "I wish for a great staircase to be built right into the sea of the heaven so that I may be reunited with my husband, the king of heaven, Jujutero." The people at first hesitated, considering the feat impossible, but then they decided that since none other than Hilde was commanding them, they could easily do it.  For ten years the people worked, building the great tower to lead Hilde home, the work made much longer by the earthquakes brought by Herahera.  Stone from all over the world was imported, and the kingdom went broke from the effort.  The massive machines used to build this tower can still be scene, one of them is in fact the largest known still-standing structure built by man.  Jujutero's winds were favorable it is said, and his sword Thunderclap helped temper the stone and strengthen the tower so that it could reach the many miles up to span the two firmaments.  And though another two kings died in the constructive and another was made lame for the rest of his life thanks to accidents, the building went quickly and without conflict.

During the construction, Hilde gave birth to a son, Achilax the god of wisdom and knowledge.  Being born of both Earth and Heaven, he would be an able successor to Jujutero.  In later myths he would slay Apolollo.  Though not as beloved as his mother, Achilax is the object of more prayers than any other deity.

After ten years passed, the tower was finished.  That date is the object of yet another holiday.  Hilde and her son Achilax began the walk up the tower to the waiting arms of Jujutero.  Though the people of Reina Hilde wept to see their great heroine leave them, they cared not, being merely glad to have made Hilde finally happy.  So willing to please her were they, that they tore down the great tower after its purpose was finished, killing thousands in the resulting crash.  Walking along the area, you can still see a large crater where the tower landed.  When Hilde reached Heaven, Jujutero gave Hilde a magic fruit made from the firmament of the heaven, thus allowing her terrestrial form to stay pinned in the skies above.  It is said that she still lives there, immortal now, eternally happy with her divine family.

To this day we continue to honor Hilde in countless ways.  Her powers are so strong that it seems that even generations later, despite having never even seen this figure from our distant past, we still love her.  She still watches over us, perhaps finally able to accept our devotion.  Or not, we of Reina Hilde do not really care.  We will love her either way.

ツ

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* There's a chance my Spanish might be grammatically incorrect possibly.  Feel free to murder me if I make a mistake.  Or how about this explanation:  the people loved Hilde so much that they stopped caring about grammar.