Sunday, April 17, 2011

Bleach Recaps: Ep. 200, Not Suitable for Family Viewing

So last night was "Bleach"'s 200th episode.  Do you think they did anything special for it?  No, no they didn't.  Just a regular episode, it even has a really long intro and everything.  You'd think that the creators would at least try to make the 200th episode at least especially good, but as evidenced by my brief plan to name this post "Bleach Recaps: Ep. 200, In Which Nothing in Particular Happens", you can tell they didn't.  I finally decided to name this episode something else because I know in the future there will be many episodes where nothing in particular happens, and I don't see why Ep. 200 should get the honor.  At least it wasn't a damn clip show.  It definitely needed more Kenny in it.

Last week Captain Insano finally finished his battle with Granz by injecting him with Sharringan-Rip-Off Formula*.  Yes, it turns out that Granz is technically immortal since he can eat the bodies of everybody around him for infinite one-ups, but Maryuri came up with a brilliant plan.  Bore him to death until he doesn't want to live anymore!  Let Espada #8 taste what these horrible forty episodes of Granz-fighting have been like for the audience.  So for the last week, Granz has been trapped in the lowest levels of "Inception", slowly losing his mind and eventually begging to die.  Its a tad bit disturbing, I'll admit that.  Inside Granz's mind, he's a whithered old corpse, but in the real world he's still a pink-haired pretty boy, only with a sword inside of him.  Granz has it coming.  Also, if the can't think of anything more productive to do for the centuries of time he has to himself then whine, he really deserves to die.  Couldn't you uncover the secrets of the universe or attain Nirvana or something?  Or at least come up with a decent knock-knock joke?

Ultimately when Insano stabs Granz's heart the guy just sort of keels over and dies.  I think.  Its not much explained.  The show kinda makes us assume that he's dead and moves on.  More importantly:  GRANZ IS DEAD.  Somebody break out the champagne!  Its party time!

RIP Granz, You will not be missed

Insano decides now to give off a long speech about how perfection is a meaningless concept.  Of course, I don't know who he's talking to since Granz is dead and his brain is probably sludge now, but whatever.  Because Mayuri can't do science in a perfect world, it pisses him off.  If you know everything, can do everything, and have everything, what's left to do?  An oddly well-thought-out point from the writers of this show.  Still, I'm going to say that Insano is wrong on some point:  the very point of science is to learn everything, have a shall I say, perfect record of all information.  Since that's most likely impossible they'll never reach it, so scientists have job security, but science is not against the idea of perfection.  And anyway, Insano, if you run out of science to do, you can always become a painter.  Or work on a new silly mask.

Out of fury for his Bankai getting mind-controlled last week, Insano breaks his Zanpakuto off and leaves it inside Granz's still-standing corpse.  Since swords can always be fixed on "Bleach", its a pointless note.  Then he notices that Nemu is dead, and needs to bring her back to life using his Jesus Penis powers.  Fuck her till she's back to life, I say!  Cue wild moans and Insano thrusting back and forth with his back to the camera, and Uryu and Renji looking like this:

"I can't believe it!  He stole my Move!"

Ultimately Nemu comes back to life with a satisfied look on her face (since she only exists for fanservice, she should be happy to do her job), and this begins a long argument over what Insano just did.  Insano refuses to tell Uryu about the Move, because he'll just give it a bad name.  But Uryu insists and then this funny joke slowly begins to wear thin, as Insano claims that he never does anything unsuitable for the audience to see.  Whatever.  "Bleach" now reaches its WTF quota for the week.  Enjoy.  I don't think any of us are going to forget what we've seen.

By the way, can Mayuri's Jesus Penis be used to bring other people back from the dead?  Maybe Ichigo should look into it to get his mom back.

Nemu then reveals that her right arm doubles as a drill, and digs up none other than Dondomoron and Pesceidiot.  These two immediately kill any hope for anything to be funny ever again, since after their brief foray into being awesome they've returned to being incredibly stupid comic reliefs.  Nemu then launches them into space and hope they never return.  Pesceidiot ends the scene by yelling "goodbye everybody" which I do hope is a clue that they're gone forever.  It would be shame to see Grimmjow unceremoniously forgotten while these two remain regular characters.

"Team Rocket's blasting off again!!"

Nemu then digs up what Insano was looking for:  Granz's top secret test lab filled with his rarest and most valuable samples.  Then open the door and see two bodies hanging from the ceiling.  Who or what they were has yet to be explained, but it was definitely what Mayuri wanted to find.  Now its time for Kenpachi!  Finally godammit!

Kenpachi starts the fight off by finally getting in a good hit:


However, it turns out that Spoony's skin is much too thick to be cut.  Obviously this is to add to the fact that Spoony is supposedly Kenpachi's Arancar foil:  1) eyepatch, 2) battle-crazed, 3) unbreakable skin.  Most of the Arancars lately have been foils of somebody in the Soul Society.  Granz was Mayuri.  Shaq was a half-assed and incredibly stupid Byakuya, minus the pretty.  And Grimmjow basically was Renji in Season 2.  Oh well.  Well, whatever the point, Kenny gets cut again.

Yachiru, who has been watching this whole thing, smiles a bit then licks her lips suggestively.  What the fuck??  What did that gesture mean?  Is she finally about to unleash her Zanpakuto and kick ass?  Probably not.  Is just happy to see Kenny fight?  Maybe.  Is she about to eat Spoonhead?  Does she want to have sex with him?  What is this?  WHAT'S GOING ON??  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

When we return from the commercial break, Uryu gets smothered by Nemu's boobs and dies.  (It makes about as much sense in context.)  Then Renji wants to be healed so he can join in the fighting, but as Mayuri points out, interrupting Kenny's fights is "like throwing raw meat in front of a beast".  So Captain Kenny is going to eat Renji?  Awesome!  But that's enough of this crap, I want more fighting!  "Getting eaten by a beast is about as stupid a way to die as there is."  What?

The next moments are unbelievable awesome with a cool new battle theme playing**.  That almost makes this episode worth watching... almost.  Kenny discovers that the Spoonman is dodging his attacks, so comes up with a brilliant strategy.  If cutting won't work, then why not try stabbing?  So he does!  And he stabs right through Spoony's left eye, the one covered in a patch.


Then, weirdly, Spoonmonkey is still alive.  What's going on?  Well, Spoony explains with a simple gesture that is the funniest thing I've seen all week:

Holy crap, man!

Yes, it turns out that Spoony's Hollow Hole is under his eye.  You might be wondering, how come nobody ever noticed that hole on the back of his head?  Well, that's the genius part.  Spoony knew that people would see it, so he dressed himself up in a ridiculous costume with a giant spoon-thing meaning that you never can see the back of his head!  Brilliant!  Totally worth all the dates he'll never go on now.  You'd think with Spoony's haircut his hair would cover it up, but apparently it doesn't somehow, according to that image.  Straight shot all the way to the sky.  This also explains why Spoony is so weird and somewhat stupid, the guy's got a huge section of his brain missing.  Like his entire left hemisphere.  We even get a gross shot of Kenpachi from inside of the hole, which frankly I'd rather not have seen.

Spoons again repeats:  you can't cut me.  Kenpachi, perhaps realizing that he has no hope, has only one response:


I love Kenny.  When faced with ridiculous insurmountable odds, he just starts to enjoy himself more.  Unlike everybody else on this show, he's here for the same reason the audience is here:  battles.  He wants to fight, we want to see fights, he's a crowd-pleaser.  Plus he's hugely entertaining.  Ali Al-Saachez from "Gundam 00" was the most evil and despicable character ever, but he was hilarious and awesome, so he was great.  Plus he agreed with me that giant robot battles are fun.  I wonder what Plotkai Kenpachi is going to use to win this one?  Learn his Bankai on the fly?  Send Yachiru after Spoony?  I've always suspected that Yachiru is actually stronger than Kenny.  Hopefully whatever it is, it can be awesome.

So now that all the other sidestories are wrapped up, I guess next week we just have to have a full episode of Kenpachi fighting.  Unless Uliquiorra comes back from that pocket dimension he's locked in.  Hopefully he'll conveniently stay in there until Kenpachi wins and Ichigo is healed for a rematch.  Here's to next week.

* I hate "Naruto" and I hate making references to it even more.  If you think I'm overly negative while recapping "Bleach", just wait until you see what I'd say if I started recapping that show.  Thank God its not on TV anymore... I think.  I'm surprised I even know what the Sharringan is.  This cheap shot, ultimately, was too good to resist.  I can promise at least to never make a "One Piece" reference.

** I can't really find a place to ask this question but:  can "Bleach" characters fly in Hueco Mundo?  I'm guessing no, or else that annoying Hollow Forest situation never would have happened, but Spoony briefly flies during this episode, so I don't know.  Also remember the giant battle between Ichigo and Grimmjow where they both were basically dogfighting?  This show is wildly inconsistent on these points.  I wish somebody could explain to me this.


  1. That's it! Kenny's Bankai would be a Gundam!
    That scene in the beginning where Granz was begging for death almost made up for his existence. I had a huge grin on my face as I watched him suffer.

  2. I'm at a loss to understand how you could hate Naruto more than Bleach. It's better written (not by much) and the plot is more than an excuse for fights, unlike Bleach, but the main strength of Naruto is in how there aren't ridiculous jumps in power level every couple of arcs- battles are about using powers smartly and in unexpected ways to win. I know Naruto the character sucks, but most of the side characters are the strength of the show/manga rather than the main guy


  3. XYZ: You answered your own question with "Naruto". The main character is awful, and I think the entire fanbase likes him more and I suspect even the creator knows it. Sasuke is far more interesting. I make sure to check up on him at the Naruto Wiki (it exists) to make sure he's still alive. Plus the fight scenes - from what I've seen - are terrible, without nearly enough action.

    One Peace has the same problem. I recall X-Play once did a bit where they had Monkey D. Luffee talking with Naruto in a contest of who could be more annoying and loud.

    Ultimately Bleach is terrible, I'll admit that. But I like it. Naruto is terrible too, but I don't like it. So there we are. I'm not saying one is better than the other, I'm saying I only care about one.

  4. I really wish Bleach would stop trying to be funny, it's bad at it. Uryuu breaking the fourth wall is really starting to bug me.

  5. So, are you going to do a post about the Game of Thrones premiere last night?

  6. @Nikky: I didn't see it. My college doesn't get HBO. I will, however, see it once I go home this weekend. And there will be a post on it, definitely. I don't think I'll do a Game of Thrones recap series, but I need to comment on this in some form.

  7. I have the opposite problem, my college has HBO, but I don't have it at home. So, I may only get to see the first five or six episodes.