The Death of Planet Red

So... yeah.  About yesterday.  Lots of craziness, I know.  A bit too many "HAHAHAHAHAHA"s for my taste.  And for some reason there was a penis monster.  (I don't even want to imagine what the deal with the penis monster was...)

There's always been a lot of tension between the Bizzaro Me and myself.  I don't really know why.  I mean, I know Red Highwind is naturally inclined towards pure evil and but for whatever reason she specifically wants me dead.  Like all the time.  Really in all my life I can't say I've ever been so hated, its hard to understand.  So more often not Red will come down with some ridiculous scheme to blow me up in a million pieces, while I'm just wondering "what did I ever do to you?"  Yesterday Red came up to me, strapped me to a nuclear missile, which she then launched to the dark side of the moon while stealing my blog and unleashing a penis monster.  This is not a healthy interpersonal dynamic.  I'd like to have a reasonable conversation with this person, but all she'd do would rip out my spine and start whipping me with it.  Plus Red Highwind lives in the deepest depths of Tartarus (great property values), and I don't even know her number.

Probably the question you're asking yourself is this:  how I am still alive?  Typically yes, being strapped to a nuclear device and sent out into outer space usually would blow up you.  However, Big Red made a couple of mistakes when trying to kill me this time.  First of all, and this isn't all that well known, but the Moon People actually outlawed nuclear bombs.  Since the bomb I was riding was illegal, it couldn't explode when I reached the Dark Side of the Moon.  So then all I had to do was take the bus ride back to Earth and beat up Big Red in an epic battle of epicness.  Sadly Red Highwind always loses these epic battles of epicness for a very simple maths reason.  I, Blue Highwind, am win, so she naturally is lose, by being Bizzaro.  Her penis monster got ripped to pieces thanks to my flaming death sword of death.  So she surrendered, we ate a nice lunch, and she went back to Tartarus to plan her revenge.  Then with a coat of blue paint on the background, Planet Blue was saved forever.

YAY!  APRIL FOOLS!  YAY!