Friday, July 1, 2011

Transformers 3

I'm not watching this fucking movie.  Its the same as the other two, therefore it sucks.  Some people say that the franchise might be decent if Michael Bay hadn't created a world populated entirely with annoying comic reliefs and stupid gags.  In something like four hours of cinema, the first two movies combined managed to make me laugh once at a single joke:  the wheel one.  That's it.  But would the movies be watchable if the jokes were gone and they took themselves seriously?  WRONG.  Everything about these movies are bad - not just the jokes.  Not just the kid from "Even Stevens".  Everything.  "Transformers" is just fucking stupid, I'm sorry.  The robots are ugly masses of metal, utterly artless and incomprehensible masses of horrible design.  They are indistinguishable blobs of moving parts, writhing in twisted contortions so full of meaningless detail as to become unwatchable.  The camera work is jittery and furious, going out of its way to destroy comprehension.  And then the movies are too damn long!  Even if you liked the robots, the humans steal the show because they are the centerpieces of the plot.  These movies are the very bottom of the bottom, the worst of the worst.  Even "Green Lantern" got laughs out of me for being so incompetent, "Transformers" can't do that.  Its bad, but that's how its made, every second is constructed exactly as Michael Bay envisioned:  a stupid stupid movie without a tone filled with enough ugly action scene and bad jokes to barely entertain the masses.  These aren't movies, these are fucking wrestling shows.  People like it for the exact reason I hate it.  Nothing can redeem them, nobody can save them, and I will not watch another for any reason!

Review over.

9 comments:

  1. I want to fondle your nipples.

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  2. I learn faster than you, Blue. I never watched the second one.

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  3. Ignoring the comment above, the only good thing about those movies was Megan Fox, and Michael Bay's endless amount of explosions in his movies, The second movie was stupid, lets magically bring a giant robot to life with dust. POOR FUCKING IDEAS IF I EVER HEARD ONE. and the irst one was a robot car MAGICALLY chose a human partner, GAY, GAY, GAY, GAY WHO CAME UP WITH THE FUCKING RETARDED PLOTS.

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  4. @Anonymous: If you're gonna fondle my nipples, you should also show the penis some love. You dig?

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  5. @Blue Highwind- It just might be a guy.

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  6. Its anonymous, so it can be whatever I want.

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  7. I will make myself your gay sex slave now. You can't deny me. I'll track you down.

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  8. I couldn't agree more with you sir, you said it all and it's the sad and pathetic truth.
    I saw the first one because of a friend, and didn't leave the theatre to stay polite. I've started watching the 2nd one.... man, I just have to stop after 30 minutes. I'm not sure I can remember so much dumbness in any other movies I've seen before. The stupidity of these movies are just limitless, there's absolutely nothing good in this movies not even the fucking dumbass bitch. I still can't believe this exist....

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